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Replies: 32
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CU Medallion [65983]
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There are a few epic days in the Lounge but I've never
Sep 27, 2019, 3:35 PM
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actually knew when they were coming. The first day that Lakebum1® post in the Jounge, as a father, is going to be a banner day for sure.
1. How many times did you tell the baby to stop crying ?
2. Changed a diaper yet ?
3. Huggies or Pampers ?
4. Husband stitch ?
5. Has he already had a Keystone yet ?
6. When's his first boat ride ?
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Lot o points [155706]
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I’m looking forward to next spring.
Sep 27, 2019, 3:40 PM
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When boating season starts anew and Lakebum shows us how an infant has ZERO effect on his boating time on the lake just like pre-babby lakebum predicted.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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RIP to Lakebum
Sep 27, 2019, 3:49 PM
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I was calling Jake Bentley a poosay right before the Carolina game came on and wife instructing me to not pee in the floor.
To be fair, I have not peed in the floor in years. Last time I had an incident I peed in the trashcan, so she was being a bit rude to me.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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Oh, it probably has a lot to do with you
Sep 27, 2019, 3:54 PM
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######## starting this annoying music/movies/decorations 3 months before Christmas. I think these are the same people who like to say it's their birthday month.
Here's the other fact about Christmas music....To men like myself, it signifies a season in which I'll be doing very little of what I want to do. I'll be forced to interact with people I don't particularly care for, and who I have nothing to do with otherwise the rest of the year. We'll have to go sit and listen to how great such and such's lives are despite the fact that they're in their 30's living above their parents garage, and get life lessons from a ###### who pins you in a corner and hands out sage wisdom like "don't go into credit card debt".
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CU Medallion [65983]
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I'm lucky if I get home by 6:00
Sep 27, 2019, 3:57 PM
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then I have to play with dogs, make a couple of laps around the house naked, then watch Pardon the Interruption. By the time I'm done with all of that, it's well past 7:00
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CU Medallion [65983]
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Our shower is encapsulated in glass, I call it "The Viewing
Sep 27, 2019, 3:58 PM
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Cube." Just the other day my wife was standing at the sink brushing her teeth, and I smushed my butt up against the glass and let a glorious fart rip. I call those "Enhanced Farts", because you really get a lot better quality sound out of them that way.
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Heisman Winner [137807]
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I could read Lakebum's Greatest Hits all day.
Sep 27, 2019, 4:08 PM
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These are amazing.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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Still went and got the boat, washed it up
Sep 27, 2019, 4:45 PM
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put the plugs back in to get her ready for the water, then sat in the drivers seat drinking beer for awhile.
Eventually decided to attempt to repair a spot in the front yard with the tractor. Made a very small hole a large hole. Destroyed 1/3 of the yard. Looks like a construction site. So I gave up and rode the golf cart around. Realized around 6:30 or so yesterday I was plastered, so spent the rest of the afternoon drinking water and trying to pry my wife off the couch with a large metal spatula I use for large/multiple hamburgers.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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She once ruined a nice Friday night dinner
Sep 27, 2019, 4:46 PM
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with my fam because I had peed on her car earlier that day as a joke and it just enraged her.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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I'm waging an almost year long road rage war with a Jimmie
Sep 27, 2019, 4:48 PM
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John's driver here in Greenville. It all started innocently enough, I was simply sitting at a red light behind him. He apparently thought I was too close and started making hand signals at me and yelling in his rear view mirror. I finally figured out he was trying to tell me, so I got as close as I could without hitting him while giving him the finger. Complete alpha domination.
Now if I see him out, I do everything I can to get back behind him and ride his ###. A couple of times I've managed to get behind him at a red light or stop sign, and I just slowly nod as he looks into the rear view mirror.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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I remember when I was younger, watching movies
Sep 27, 2019, 4:49 PM
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where the bad guy wants to destroy the world or whatever....And I was always like, why would someone want to do that though? Why would you want the world to end? I understand now, I really do. I think it may be time
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CU Medallion [65983]
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My dog walked right up to me,
Sep 27, 2019, 4:50 PM
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looked me dead in the eyes, and audibly farted when we started packing up dishes
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CU Medallion [65983]
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After 12 or so beers,
Sep 27, 2019, 4:52 PM
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I just went in my office and zoned out looking at the aquarium for maybe an hour.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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I did manage to lure her up and outside
Sep 27, 2019, 4:53 PM
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with cheese cubes yesterday, but it didn't last long.
Seems like I have the most control over wife and dogs when I possess the cheese cubes.
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Heisman Winner [137807]
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An absolute classic.***
Sep 27, 2019, 5:16 PM
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Lot o points [155706]
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All-In [48963]
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Pre-married lakebum and pre-pregnant wife lakebum
Sep 27, 2019, 3:58 PM
[ in reply to I’m looking forward to next spring. ] |
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were not great prognosticators if I recall correctly.
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Lot o points [155706]
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just a few and I’m probably forgetting some
Sep 27, 2019, 4:43 PM
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(All are paraphrased.....direct quotes long ago lost to the t-net search engine.
“I’m never getting serious with a girl....she starts falling in love, I’m out”
“I’m never getting married....you guys are all the proof I need of that. I’m gonna do what I want to do, when I want to do it, 24/7.”
“I’m never buying some house in the suburbs. If I can’t walk out and #### in my driveway while lighting M80’s, I’m not living there”
“I’m never having a kid.” See second married line above for rest of quote)
“You guys are nuts if you think this kid is going to change my lifestyle for a minute. This kid will be fetching me Keysones from the yeti and swimming them out to me by 18 months”
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Oculus Spirit [79401]
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Hey, I’m not really in the suburbs
Sep 27, 2019, 5:24 PM
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Got home this morning, probably about to crack a Keystone. Boat maintenance is done, and she’s going back in sometime next week. He will have had his first boat ride by the end of October. I see the amount of actual boating staying the same, drinking beer in the lake for 8 hours a Day is a different story.
I think some of you underestimate our dedication to the lakebum lifestyle.
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Lot o points [155706]
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What’s up bud....CONGARTS!
Sep 27, 2019, 5:30 PM
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happy for you guys. Even if you do end up getting totally kid-whipped, it’ll be a trade you were glad to make.
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Heisman Winner [137807]
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CU Medallion [54011]
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Congarts on making a healthy baby and strapping it in the car seat safely.
Sep 27, 2019, 7:33 PM
[ in reply to Hey, I’m not really in the suburbs ] |
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Good luck on maintaining the lifestyle. You can do it, to a certain extent. But dad’s priorities often change, not because you are forced to but because you want them to. Trust me I’m drunk. The next few years are gonna be fun and frustrating. But you’ll probably hit your stride sometime soon after the breastfeeding stops and then it’s you and child vs mom. If you have a second child, that dynamic changes slightly. You’re gonna have a lot of fun!
Congrats homie!
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All-TigerNet [10938]
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Heisman Winner [137807]
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No question about drinking straight from the tap?
Sep 27, 2019, 3:40 PM
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It's like I don't even know you, freak.
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CU Medallion [65983]
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Anyway, 19B, I'm putting you up there with
Sep 27, 2019, 3:56 PM
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those people for your watermelon comments. You ####### savage animal.
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Hall of Famer [23994]
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Re: There are a few epic days in the Lounge but I've never
Sep 27, 2019, 3:49 PM
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7. Tearing? How bad?
Cant wait to hear about how he hasn't had seggs for 6 weeks
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All-In [49153]
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baby on board. Any different opinion of law enforcement?
Sep 27, 2019, 3:53 PM
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precious cargo don't mean a case o Keystones anymore. Maybe the thin blue line protecting his lil one has some value.
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Oculus Spirit [79182]
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I can answer #2 for you
Sep 27, 2019, 4:00 PM
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No ####### way. I don't think I changed one for the first one for like 2 months or so. Even with #3 it took about 6 weeks or so.
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All-In [48963]
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They are a lot easier the first few weeks
Sep 27, 2019, 4:10 PM
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As soon as solid food gets to be a thing, it's like tear gas in there.
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All-In [49153]
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one of the best things about being a grandfather
Sep 27, 2019, 4:20 PM
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is I'm exempt from diaper changes. I just fill 'em up wit junk and sugar, get 'em hyper and all wore out, and then let the parents take over. It's the Circle of Life.
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Oculus Spirit [97677]
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I changed my first real #2 diaper when my oldest (1st)
Sep 27, 2019, 4:36 PM
[ in reply to I can answer #2 for you ] |
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was maybe 10 hours old. When your wife is cut in half, and sedated, and in a hospital bed, you gotta take one for the team. Also learned about the infamous 1st poop that night, on my first ever diaper change. ####'s a freakin tar ball. My suggestion was to call a nurse. Nope. I was thrown into the fire.
Wife still changes them at a 3-1 ration though. Still, I get the worst.
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All-TigerNet [10855]
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Change diapers right after your kids are born...
Sep 27, 2019, 4:56 PM
[ in reply to I can answer #2 for you ] |
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but really screw it up so they leak and the crap gets everywhere.
Fake dry heaves are effective too.
Do this often enough and the wife won't let you change diapers again.
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Oculus Spirit [93616]
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Are you hittin it yet?***
Sep 27, 2019, 8:16 PM
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