He probably could tell that you liked him.

with a best bud and his sister. Yes, it was my idea to invite her. A UT football player (he claimed) was wearing the poor girl's ear out about how strong and fast he was. He kept drinking and coming back to the bar where we sat and carried on and on.

I bet him a hundred bucks I could beat him at arm wrestling. He was sitting on the girls left and I on her right. I asked her to swap seats which put me on the guy's right. Turned to him I would have had my right side against the bar and been pulling toward the middle of my body. He would have had been either facing the bar or pushing in that direction. Anyone who is familiar with this primitive competition knows that the guy was giving up 30-50% of his strength one way and sacrificing the use of the bar to stabilize his trunk the other.

He backed down and I told him the girl liked strong men and kept my seat. We got her brother drunk on cheap beer and...made a date for church the next morning.

Want a funny one?

My brother and I were shooting pool on 8 ball tables at Highlands Bar in Chatt. He was wearing an smartasz out on the table with my Joss 5 point cue. The guy complained and my brother (short guy syndrome) told the guy he wouldn't beat him with a broomstick. Everybody laughed except the girl fetching drinks. She showed up in 30 seconds with a broom which had the fattest handle I've ever seen. My brother pulled out a roll of cash and laid 500 on the table and the idiot rounded up another 500 bucks.

The dragged for break and the guy won the break. My brother played a nearly flawless game taking the 8 ball off leaving the guy standing there looking at five of his balls on the table.

Note: This was after we played UT in the Peach Bowl and I strutted around wearing Orange and a Paw.

Sad, desperate, a fight scene...what do you want. I've probably seen it all.

Micallen

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Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

Aug 7, 2018, 8:35 AM

Some folks say that Willie Greene,
Was the baddest muthafcuka the world has ever seen.
But I want ya to light you up a joint and take a real good sh*t and screw your wig on tight
And let me tell ya about the little baaaaaad muthafucka called Dolemite.
Now Dolemite was from San Anton'
A ramblin, scamblin, gamblin little young muthafcuka from the day he was born.
Why the day he was dropped from his Mammy's ###, He slapped his Pappy's face
And said, "From now on, cocksucka, I'm running this place."
At the age of one he was drinkin whiskey and gin.
At the age of two he was eating the bottles it came in.
Now Dolemite had an Uncle called "Sudden Death".
Killed a dozen bad men from the smell of his breath.
When his Unc' heard how Dolemite was treatin his own Maw and Paw,
He said, "Let me go check this little bad rascal before he go too far."
Now one coooooold, dark December night,
His Uncle broke in on Dolemite.
Now Dolemite wasn't no more than three or fo'
When his Uncle come breakin through the do'.
His unc' said, "Dolemite,
I want you to straighten up and treat your brother right,
Cuz if you keep on with your dirty mistreatin,
I'm gonna whoop yo ### till your heart stop beatin"
Dolemite sittin in the middle of the floor playin,
He said, "I see yo lips quivering Unc', but I don't hear a cocksuckin word your sayin."
This made his uncle mad. He let off with a right that made lightin flash!
But Dolemite tore his leg off. He was that #### fast.
Now all the men in San Anton' gathered around that night.
To see if they could do something about the little bad rascal called Dolemite.
It took a hundred of the baddest, the boldest, the ugliest men in town,
Finally rode Dolemite's ### down.
Put him in jail, held him without bail.
If you think his Mammy was happy You shoulda seen his Pappy.
Now it's been eight long years since Dolemite's been fed.
The average muthafcuka woulda long looong been dead.
Now the warden called Dolemite. Said, "Dolemite, I'm gonna tell you what we gonna do
Now we gonna give you a dollar and a half and a #### good meal
If you promise to leave us alone And get your badass outta San Anton'."
Dolemite took the dollar and a half and the #### good meal.
And said, 'I'm gonna tell you old, jive, molded, ancient, decreppid, muthafcukas how I feel."
Said, "Ya'll can suck my ####, nuts, and ### down to the muthafcukin bone!
Because I ain't never comin back to San Anton'."

Now Dolemite wasn't no more than thirteen when they let him out the gate.
He said, "I think I'll go across sea an try my fate."
He got a job in Africa kickin lions in the ### to stay in shape.
He got run outta South America for fcukin steers.
He fcuked the she elephant till she broke down in tears.
Now Dolemite worked for five years and day. Got his pay.
Said, "Well, I believe I'll go back to that jive-ass USA."
Where the news of the heavyweight fight Was being broadcasted that night.
And a special bulletin said, "Look out for storms, atomic bombs, and Dolemite."
Now the first thing Dolemite encountered Was two big Rocky Mountains.
He said, "Mountains, what ya'll gonna do?"
They said, "We gonna part, Mr. Dolemite, and let yo bad ### through."
Now Dolemite went on down to Kansas City.
Kickin ### till both shoes was sh*tty.
Hoboed into Chi'.
Who did he run into but that bad ### Two Gun Pete.
He said, "Move over, and let me pass.
Before they hafta pull these Triple-A's out yo muthatfcukin ###."
Went on down to Forty-Second street
Not for no sh*t but some place he could sleep and eat.
He run into that Chi' neighbor.
Of all the ho's she was the boss.
She'd suck ya, #### ya, and jack ya off.
She said, "Come on down to my pad Dolemite."
Said, "We gonna #### and fight till broad daylight."
Dolemite said, "#####, I had a job Africa kickin lions in the ### to stay in shape.
I got run outta South America for fcukin steers."
Said, "I fcuked the she elephant till she broke down in tears."
Mabel said, "I don't care where you goin and where you been."
Said, "I'm layin to wrap this good hot juicy ##### all around yo bad ### chin."
Dolemite said, "#####! It's best you not #### with me."
Said, "I better run ya down some of my pedigree."
Said, "I've swimmed across muddy rivers and ain't never got wet
Mountains has fell on me and I ain't dead yet.
I fcuked an elephant and dared her to mutter,
I can look up a bull's ### and tell you the price of butter.
I fcuked another elephant down to a coon.
Even fcuked the same #### cow that jumped over the muthafcukin moon."
Said, "I rode across the ocean on the head of my ####,
And ate nine tons of cat @#$%& and ain't never got sick.
And you talkin about wrappin your good hot ##### all around my badass chin
Biiitch! You outta be blowin up my ### tryin to be my muthafcukin friend."
Whoa, but Mabel farted. That's when the fcukin started.
She made her ##### do the Mojo, the Popcorn, the Turkey, and the Grind.
Left Dolemite's ### nine strokes behind.
She through ##### up Dolemite's back, come out of his ear, down his side, run out of his pocket.
#### near through his ####### outta socket.
But Dolemite suddenly made a Mojo turn
Had the crabs around that ####### ####### hollerin, "Burn, baby burn!"
But the next mornin they found Mabel dead.
With her drawers wrapped around her nappy-ass head.
And the crabs was madder than a muthafcuka!
To see Dolemite beat em out of they ####### supper.
But Dolemite kept on kickin ##### and fcukin up in the fall.
Till finally his role was called.
They had his funeral. Carried him down to the graveyard.
Dolemite was dead, but his #### was still hard.
The preacher said, "Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust."
Said, "I'm glad this little bad muthafcuka called Dolemite is no longer here with us!"

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Tell your favorite bar story.....

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

Nice***

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

I could have been

bar downtown charleston

I've got two

Checks out.

Re: I've got two

My wife took ballet from age 4-18

Do you have any pics of this?

Here's the pic McLovin sent me after it happened....

Actually I do. This is it.

"so this is where I was conceived?"***

Re: My wife took ballet from age 4-18

how to you make #### on a bar?

If it's the right height it would take some of the weight***

#MeTutu

Back in the late 80s, I was playing guitar in a band and one

Were you playing the skin Flute?

*Sigh*

Flute was a big part in Loco Breath

To your comment, no not one of those

He's no John Anderson

I celebrate his entire catalog

I really hate I didn't go see John Anderson at the Newberry

Re: Back in the late 80s, I was playing guitar in a band and one

were you a tiger when you wanted love?***

I'm a snake if we disagree.***

Uncle's 50th birthday...

Lemme help you with the short version:

After doing several goldshlager shots and smoking a cigarette

That was you????***

I don't consider myself a hero.

i was scratching my head regarding the cigarette...

That was actually after I puked in your shower (I think it

Went to Greenstreet's to see New Potato Caboose

Georgia Moon Walton Way Augusta, GA, Summer of ‘76.

The whole second half of that story had nothing to do with

I think the part about broken down cars and hitchhiking and

Psst - Obed

this one time i got drunk

Can’t decide whether it’s the time my date puked on me

we need input from

I drink alone...

Late 70's

many moons ago a buddy and I were

and no, it wasn't shorty.

A lot of them over the years. Most on the ............

Night I met my wife. Told it here a dozen times, I'm sure.***

I don't remember hearing it. Tell again please. ******

Readers Digest Version

Mmmkay....so. There was this one time, I was in

Nothing from the old Sugar Shack at Whiskey/Daugherty Rd?***

Seen it, never been in it.***

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

My man!***

Re: My man!***

hard to run down one favorite

I was at Uncle Sam's which was a disco of the 1970s...

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

back is the 80s my wife's family rented a place over on hhi

dear lawd, too many

that's when you ask her how she knows what poosay taste like***

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

TLDR

awesome movie

Re: Tell your favorite bar story.....

This has the makings of a movie ######***

I can't type s c r i p t ???***

That sounds terrible

File it under the "horror" genre***

We'll get M. Night Shamilingdingdong to produce it

So, a hero in 2018***

Forest Service Rangers are tough hombres.***

@ TTT, was about to attempt near improbable pool shot

who is JC?

Sigh