Jounge might find this mildly entertaining.

Jul 8, 2019, 1:01 PM

Have a fran (more of a fran of a fran) who lives in Hanahan. He's a US Marshal. Guy has stories for days, and you want to hear all of them. Went over to his house on the 4th to grill out and drank.

When we pulled up into the driveway, my buddy said "hey, that's his new work truck that I haven't seen yet."

Basically, "work" told him to go pick out a "construction truck", and to get whatever he'd need to make it authentic. So, F150 with Raptor package, ladder mounts, a cooler that looks like it just came off a shelf, a couple nice ladders that don't even have dirt on the feet, toolboxes, and an extension cord that is ziptied to one of the ladders--like, you can't use it without cutting the ziptie. He has hard hats in the back seat and a vest on the dash. He said he'll pull into hoods (and they're HOODS), and he'll get eyed a little because it's a truck the "critters" have never seen, but when he starts walking around houses with a vest, hard hat, and clipboard, and he's measuring windows, the critters get curious. He usually explains that they're looking at putting in new AC units, and he said people will spill EVERYTHING if they think they're getting a new AC or whatever.

Dropped the tailgate, and there's this:

$6,000 box with a couple drawers that typically have about $50K of gear in them. Long guns, pistols, ammo, vests, etc. One of the coolest things was this plastic briefcase that had a thing about the size of an old brick cellphone in it. When marshals have a house surrounded and presence known, and critters won't come out, two guys will approach the house, one with a shield, one with this "thing", which is basically a stethoscope. Put it up to a window, and it tells you if there's a heartbeat 7' away, or movement 16' away. Move from window to window, and you can triangulate exactly where each individual is in a house. Some serious spy shit.

We asked if marshals ever handle white collar crime--he said it's not too common. They tailed an attorney in MTP last year for some charge, pulled him over, and the guy started with the "Do you know who I am?" routine. He said they won't dignify those with any kind of response, but when that card is played, you will undoubtedly be left in sight for much longer than necessary. He said the guy leaned on the car handcuffed for passing MTP traffic for over 20 minutes while they "did paperwork and made calls." Lulz.

Anyway, your tax dollars at work.