Deer work janitor

Jun 5, 2014, 9:10 AM

who recently replaced our basic, usual toilet paper-

After yesterday's cheap mexican lunch, last night's sushi/saki run, and this morning's 6am raisin bran followed by a fiber one bar, I knew that I would be putting the compressive strength of the porcelain throne to the test. Oh yeah, I also had a banana with breakfast this morning too, which made things a little hard to get going... but I'm not quitter, and after leaning forward to achieve proper colonic angling, a few pushes with concentrated breathing, and a muffled grunt or two, the baby crowned and the Cleveland Browns finally made it to the super bowl. Then the fun began...

The new toilet paper you placed in the work stalls looked so inviting. It was SUPER thick and soft and fluffy. Me being the super cheap bastage that I am, I've never used anything other than the cheap Angel Soft that they carry in bulk packs at Wal-Mart. I thought I'd been given some marvelous gift for road wins when I started rolling out this quilted cloud of softness. It was like massaging my anal rim with the breasts of a virgin. It was like getting my salad tossed by the lips of angelina jolie or julia roberts. It was like having a symphony conductor waving the hide of a freshly skinned baby rabbit betwixt my cheeks. It was like having a teddy bear or newborn puppy dancing around in my dookie chute. I was serious pretty close to putting the shat on hold to fap. It was glorious... Until the third wipe... Once I had the majority of the poop off, I realized that the paper had little tiny "fuzz spots" all over, saturated in poop. THEN, I realized that this paper with the softness level of an untainted mermaid's womb was creating little doo doo filled cotton balls that had made a beaver ### of turd infused butt hair that would be humanly impossible to remove without a shower at work (and yes, it was really THAT bad, b/c I have Dguar level butt crack hair- we're talkin mammoth skin diaper over here).

So if you smell something at the conference call this afternoon- possibly like a hint of sushi, beans, and rice, maybe with the hidden sweetness of banana and raisin- except all covered in shit, it's me. More specifically, it's the crap filled cotton balls I'm carrying around in my bung mane.

Yes Janitor, enjoy the upper decker you'll have to clean this weekend. You earned it. Love,
ICT

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Deer work janitor

To-MAY-toes to-MAH-toes

Janitors dont buy tp, your purchasing dept does

guess I should apologize, but we got to cut cost somewhere

If this doesn't make the HOF - we have failed as the Lunge***

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