Correct post is correct

All-In [38514]

TigerPulse: 100%

Posts: 47162

Joined: 10/28/02

While we are on the subject of great historical battles...

Jan 10, 2018, 12:59 PM [ in reply to Before it was poop jokes, it was pretty much ]

While we are on the subject of great historical battles...
Posted by FordPrefect®
what would have happened if the EWOKS and Rebels had lost to the Empire on Endor?

Vader and the Emporer would still be dead.
Posted by Thezxxxx
Luke rocks Vaders uniform, rules with an iron fist.

Now wait a second.
Posted by spooneye®
Not to be a ginormous nerd, but Luke passed the Dark Side test before there was any sign of victory from Endor. So my guess is that Vader and the Emporer would still both be dead, and Luke would have all the time in the world to do anything he wanted to on the Death Star. So all Luke has to do is take control of the big Death Star gun and shoot down all the Star Destroyers. Han and Leia and the droids die. All told, still a victory for the rebels.

Ok, I'll play along.
Posted by Thezxxxx
Sure, Luke passed the test. Barely. But I don't think just being in the Emporer's apartment is going to make Luke Emporer. Hells no. He can't just start ordering people around, telling them to shoot down Star Destroyers. Not without one sick Jedi mind trick anyway. So he masquerades as Vader, becomes drunk with power, nukes Endor and rules the galaxy with an iron fist!

You insane #######.
Posted by spooneye®
Luke isn't going to play dress-up with the face mask right after mourning his father's death, especially after that tearful (and creepy) goodbye. He's going to step up to the nearest window, see the ongoing massacre of the rebel fleet, and use his Jedi powers to take control of the Death Star gun. Do you seriously believe that Luke can't fight his way over to that room where the guys in the funny hats pull the levers to make things go boom? He knows that battle station like the back of his hand (the one he has left, anyway). Even when he was less powerful he could make it from the tractor beam hangar to the prison complex in ten minutes, drop into a dumpster and still be home free by dinner time, give or take a Jedi Knight companion. He mind-controls any troublemakers he comes across, they all get confused and shoot at each other, then Luke pulls those cool levers and Star Destroyers go boom. While he's at it, his Jedi telepathy senses the audience's disgust with the Ewoks, so he smites the Ewoks, too. The blast incinerates Leia, Han, Chewie and the droids in their imperial holding cells on Endor, along with whatever rebel red-shirted suckers survived that long. Luke is pronounced Supreme Poobah of the Galaxy and doesn't go mad with power until years later.

Ruh oh. Somebody had ###### sandwiches for lunch again.
Posted by Thezxxxx
What, you think he's trained on Death Star equipment? Get outta here. You can't just hop into the Death Star cannon control room and start firing away. You at least have to skim the manual. Plus how would he get there? He didn't have a map. The place is the size of a moon, for God's sake. That firing room could be anywhere. And don't give me that "the force will guide him" crap. I must say, however, that I like your theory about Luke decimating the Ewoks. I think you're onto something there.

I'll grant you that he might need to read the User's Manual.
Posted by spooneye®
However, finding anything in the Death Star is a piece of cake. You go to the room above the hangar, access the 70's-looking equipment with the monitor on it, and a bunch of images flash on the screen which somehow function as a map. Now, last time he was there, he had Artoo to help out, but hey, anyone who can pilot a T-16 and bulls-eye womp rats in a Tattoine canyon can easily hot wire a Death Star map machine.
So, given that he makes it to the gun room, he just needs to figure out which of the levers aim and which ones fire. Fairly simple gizmo, I bet; I think we're talking about a 3-page owner's guide.
One thing that just occurred to me, aside from the fact that this is the most important discussion since the one about more cowbell. If Luke smites the Ewoks, he'll also knock out the shield generator. The rebel fleet would complete their mission against the Death Star, killing Luke in the process. Which means, obviously, that Luke will need to destroy the rebel fleet before they move in.

You're absolutely correct. This thread is very, very important.
Posted by Thezxxxx
You know what? The whole thing about him finding the cannon firing room? I'll give it to ya. But if you really think that user's manual is only three pages long...... I mean, dude, you see all the buttons and levers used to control that thing? Let's just say those cannon operators didn't earn those funny hats by just sitting on their #####. They know what they're doing.
I see what you're getting at and you're right -- He'll have to destroy the rebel fleet. Good riddance, I say. They'd probably try to install some kind of galactic democracy or something. Screw that. Luke nukes 'em, becomes drunk with power, hits the hash pipe and rules the galaxy with an iron fist!

Now you're making some sense.
Posted by spooneye®
Okay, so fine, let's say the gun is powered by Microsoft and Luke can't make heads or tails of it. So he tries to Jedi-hypnotize some funny-helmet guys to help him out, but they all have their MSCE degrees and don't fall for his mind tricks. So he resorts to pulling at random levers and pushing various buttons until he causes a Fatal Exception and the Death Star is forced to reboot. Reboot takes three weeks (###### Microsoft!), giving Lando all the time he needs to zoom in and turn the Death Star into a giant CG ring of fire. Down on Endor, prisoners Han, Leia, etc. etc. are disintegrated by stormtoopers. To the audience's chagrin, the Ewoks survive.

Oh, snap.
Posted by Thezxxxx
One small addition I'd like to make: On the ride home Lando flips on the auto pilot, cracks open an ice cold Colt .45, scores some chicks and rules Bespin with lackadaisical nonchalance.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.***
Posted by spooneye®

flag link

military_tech

thumb_down

thumb_up

Remember when the lounge used to not be poop jokes

Before my time...***

Before it was poop jokes, it was pretty much

There was one music topic we all agree on.

I never saw them.

While we are on the subject of great historical battles...

Re: Remember when the lounge used to be politics

I love to poo but....***

TigerBoard POTD