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Replies: 15
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Burning Ring of Fire
Aug 21, 2019, 9:18 AM
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I had the worst poop last night.
My stomach acid must have had a pH of 0. It burned so god awful bad that I nearly cried. If it happens again I'll be ready...
I think I'll buy a box of wet-wipes and soak them in a mixture of milk, bleach, ammonia, and/or Lye to help neutralize the pH and sooth my scorched earth anus. You could keep them in the freezer to cool them off, but also to keep the milk from spoiling.
A milk enema may also work, but I was concerned about the chance of a baking soda and vinegar volcano eruption, like a 3rd grade science project + poop.
Do I have any intradested investors? Potential client?
hotsawce?
tdrake®?
Sharty?
hleapha
N-E-Body?
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Oculus Spirit [85233]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24901
Joined: 5/21/14
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I just want to be able to burn the hairs off my
Aug 21, 2019, 9:23 AM
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buttswhole. Or maybe nair would work? It would make cleanup much easier.
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Re: I just want to be able to burn the hairs off my
Aug 21, 2019, 9:25 AM
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try rubbing vasoline around the hole before pooping.
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Oculus Spirit [85233]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24901
Joined: 5/21/14
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lol, I'm not falling for that one again!***
Aug 21, 2019, 9:31 AM
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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It's not ideal, but not everybody carries around a
Aug 21, 2019, 9:37 AM
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frozen stick of butter with them at all times.
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Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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That's what dogs are for.
Aug 21, 2019, 9:38 AM
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wait wut?
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All-TigerNet [11019]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 12358
Joined: 7/5/03
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AKA how is taco bell like johnny cash?***
Aug 21, 2019, 9:44 AM
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All-In [34575]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 41405
Joined: 4/20/01
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Dude Wipes, it's all Dude Wipes these days***
Aug 21, 2019, 10:36 AM
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Heisman Winner [135557]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 91615
Joined: 12/6/98
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Re: Burning Ring of Fire
Aug 21, 2019, 10:52 AM
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All-In [46816]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 30715
Joined: 8/11/15
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Had a co-worker try to poison me yesterday
Aug 21, 2019, 10:54 AM
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had food from his fridge instead of raiding the canteen.
The following deluge lifted me off the toilet seat twice.
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Heisman Winner [135557]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 91615
Joined: 12/6/98
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Hopefully, your co-worker won't accept defeat.***
Aug 21, 2019, 10:55 AM
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All-In [46816]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 30715
Joined: 8/11/15
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It's going to take a lot more than a turkey wrap
Aug 21, 2019, 10:56 AM
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to get the best of me
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Heisman Winner [135557]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 91615
Joined: 12/6/98
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Sounds like you need a side with that wrap.
Aug 21, 2019, 11:22 AM
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A SIDE OF BOTULISM.
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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I was thinking a side of Ricin Gravy would hit the spot.***
Aug 21, 2019, 11:24 AM
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CU Medallion [54758]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52802
Joined: 10/1/03
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went to lunch w/ mah boss last tuesday...5 minutes before
Aug 21, 2019, 12:16 PM
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our agreed upon departure time, I got the tummy grumblies...no way I'd make it thru lunch, so I had a job to do and only 5 minutes to do it.
(if anyjuan recalls my 6drakes-in-30hrs poast last week, this was #5*)
It was bad news...the kind I'd take a shower after if I'd been at home (or a truckstop w/ @TXtigerfan).
Between the mess and time running low, the ensuing wiping was, well...aggressive
I finished up, washed hands, and started heading down the stairs to meat my boss...
that's when the pain hit.
It felt like I'd used the company's sandpaper TP to give myself some sort of bwhole episiotomy with that rushed wipe job.
It was when I met my boss in the lobby that I wondered if I was bleeding thru my pants, but then I remembered the fresh peppers I'd had in the fridge that SheGUAR had put on a homemade pizza the night before, and how VERY surprisingly spicy they were
While the pain subsisted for another 30 minutes or so, my bloody bwhole (@TXTF, again) concerns** subsided pretty quick
* #6 was shortly after lunch, minimal pain...
** and minimal (but actual) blood
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