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CU Medallion [65977]
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GITT and give Rulez some fatherly advice
Jun 17, 2020, 9:37 AM
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1. Watching my first born come out and holding him is still one of the most amazing things ever
2. When we got home with a crying baby neither one of us knew what to do
3. Find something that is your tradition with the kid.
4. Dont raise a ####/c u next tuesday
5. Do NOT let the kid wear NCSU red
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Heisman Winner [105441]
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Joined: 12/2/02
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We loaded the firstborn into the car seat to leave and
Jun 17, 2020, 9:40 AM
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she wouldn't quit crying. Nurse saw the scared look in my eyes and showed me how to rock it side to side which helps soothe babies. Worked like a charm until we got to the car. Most nervous I have ever been driving a car.
I still remember watching her be born. The next two are kind-of a blur, but the first one is still pretty vivid.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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I bet you weren't even there for the last 4.***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:35 AM
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All-In [40342]
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Take unsolicited advice from others with a grade of slaw
Jun 17, 2020, 9:43 AM
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All kids are different
Don’t do two
Never sit down with a baby without everything you need (phone, remote, drink, etc)
Learn as you go
Prepare to feel helpless for about 4 months
Paper underwear is real
Baby cries, her bewbs leak
Definitely watch during delivery
Stock up on your beverage of choice
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All-In [40656]
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I have 50 bottles of bourbon or more
Jun 17, 2020, 9:46 AM
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Is that enough? Asking for me.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Too many
Jun 17, 2020, 9:47 AM
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Send some my way. Ask IE to dox me for my address.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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That's 3 so far saying watch the delivery
Jun 17, 2020, 9:45 AM
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I can't tell if normal jounge trolling or if sirius.
Siriusly though Crulez, watch it coming out.
And siriusly you 3 that mentioned it so far...what the #### is wrong with yall?
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All-In [40342]
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Whale,
Jun 17, 2020, 9:51 AM
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With the first, upon crowning doc shouts “look at all that hair!!!” They flipped on the bright lights and I had to look, then I continued to watch.
No regrets, as Greenr said, the next one was kind of blur.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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uh huh uh huh yeah
Jun 17, 2020, 9:53 AM
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CU Medallion [64837]
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I wasn't gonna watch, but the doctor grabbed me
Jun 17, 2020, 10:37 AM
[ in reply to Whale, ] |
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and dragged me around the curtain and told me to keep snapping pictures.
The photos looked like scenes from saving private ryan since it was a freaking C Section.
I'm a bit squeemish, but I didn't even flinch.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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So
Jun 17, 2020, 10:40 AM
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about those pigs...
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CU Medallion [64837]
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They're horrifying.***
Jun 17, 2020, 11:00 AM
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Oculus Spirit [78823]
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Joined: 12/6/98
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if the kid can't hold his arm over his head anymore
Jun 17, 2020, 9:46 AM
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after a fall, it it probably a broken arm and telling him to shake it off probably won't help
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CU Medallion [50635]
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when your kids first move out
Jun 17, 2020, 9:47 AM
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start some renovations in their rooms
then stop halfway through so they can't move back in
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Re: when your kids first move out
Jun 17, 2020, 9:48 AM
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All-In [40872]
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When they move to college immediatly
Jun 17, 2020, 9:51 AM
[ in reply to when your kids first move out ] |
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take the room back and turn it into a guest room. Make sure they know if they come back, that is not their room and they can only stay temporarily...well except for my baby girl, she can come back and stay forever we will build an apartment for her if necessary.
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All-TigerNet [11626]
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Adding to the others...
Jun 17, 2020, 9:47 AM
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Sleep when they sleep.
Screw all the 'they have to sleep like this' advice. Let them sleep how they want. Also, if you want to co-sleep so be it. Both our kids slept in the bed in a gap between our pillows when they were infants.
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Heisman Winner [137789]
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Episiotomy.
Jun 17, 2020, 9:49 AM
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Make sure you know that this exists before walking into the delivery room. Don't learn it exists as you're getting sprayed with cruelty blood.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Google image search this crulez***
Jun 17, 2020, 9:50 AM
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All-In [40656]
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I know what this is, unfortunately
Jun 17, 2020, 9:53 AM
[ in reply to Episiotomy. ] |
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But apparently it is extremely rare nowadays. They just let it rip on its own.
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All-In [40342]
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One of ours had a placenta that apparently looked like
Jun 17, 2020, 9:57 AM
[ in reply to Episiotomy. ] |
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A heart. Nurse asked if I wanted to see, I politely declined
But Crulez save the placenta and make a smoothie with it, best tasting smoothie and bear bonding experience for you and red and Jax.
I think I mailed the belly button of my son to a friend when it fell off. I at least took a photo and threatened to if I didn’t actually follow through.
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CU Medallion [65977]
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I forgot all about placenta cheese sandwiches
Jun 17, 2020, 10:01 AM
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definitely a HUGE side-benefit of a birth
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All-In [40342]
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And get back in this thread after your first taste
Jun 17, 2020, 10:07 AM
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Of the liquid gold.
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Heisman Winner [137789]
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Joined: 10/22/00
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CU Medallion [65977]
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I first joined the Lounge when all the talk was about
Jun 17, 2020, 10:25 AM
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Tom Cruise eating placenta, plus couch-hopping with Oprah.
Lot's of poop jokes
Cobb "quitting" every two weeks
RPMcMurphy
The Hickory Mafia
Coot4life - RIP
Message was edited by: MauldinT®
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Joined: 9/27/04
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Placenta Melt****
Jun 17, 2020, 10:45 AM
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Orange Blooded [3896]
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Re: GITT and give Rulez some fatherly advice
Jun 17, 2020, 10:00 AM
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buy that book "what to expect when you're expecting" and make the baby read it. that way your all on the same page when the party kicks off.
and some things you cant unsee or unsmell. stay strong.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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PREACH***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:03 AM
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Oculus Spirit [79400]
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Accept that you won't be able to do anything or go anywhere
Jun 17, 2020, 10:04 AM
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in a timely fashion for at least the next 20 years. I am assuming anyway, it might not ever get better.
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Orange Blooded [4695]
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100 percent accurate.
Jun 17, 2020, 10:38 AM
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My kids are getting older now and it still impossible to leave the house
I just want to live with people who remember to flush the toilet and put shoes on the first time I tell them it's time to go.. but it hasn't happened yet
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Heisman Winner [105441]
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Joined: 12/2/02
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TWO kids get bee stings in the foot in the last two weeks
Jun 17, 2020, 1:32 PM
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walking to the pool. Do you think they would take the time to start sliding on some crocs or something to protect their feet? Nope.
I have one kid who only wears basketball shorts since we went home for COVID-19. No shirts, no socks, no shoes, no underwear, just basketball shorts 24/7. He even complains about wedgies and being cold. PUT SOME ####### CLOTHES ON YOU MONSTER.
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All-In [40342]
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Joined: 7/13/12
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crocs? when did you get poor?
Jun 17, 2020, 1:54 PM
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you are better than that
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CU Medallion [64837]
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No he's not.***
Jun 17, 2020, 2:00 PM
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Heisman Winner [105441]
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Joined: 12/2/02
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The boys can't get the dang Chaco straps right so
Jun 18, 2020, 7:22 AM
[ in reply to crocs? when did you get poor? ] |
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in a pinch they grab crocs.
And yes, we are very poor.
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All-In [40342]
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The Chaco’s probably weigh more than they do***
Jun 18, 2020, 7:34 AM
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Real advice: after the first babbys born, her
Jun 17, 2020, 10:05 AM
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bewbs will never be that big ever again. Take lots of pigs.
Post these pigs in hear or please to be tmaleing them.
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All-In [40342]
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Joined: 7/13/12
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Milk teddies are the best teddies***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:06 AM
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Joined: 8/29/12
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The only downside...
Jun 17, 2020, 10:07 AM
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"please don't squeeze them they're sore"
Tickle_it be like *HONK HONK MFING HONK*
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All-In [40342]
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Joined: 7/13/12
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Three years later and I recently got the
Jun 17, 2020, 10:10 AM
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My areola’s are sensitive from the rug rats sucking them
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Response:
Jun 17, 2020, 10:12 AM
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"You say that like it's my problem"
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All-In [40342]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 7/13/12
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I value my life
Jun 17, 2020, 10:33 AM
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I actually value random Tuesday non holiday scrumping more
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Oculus Spirit [75673]
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Joined: 10/26/03
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I'm so glad I can't add to this.***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:08 AM
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All-In [40342]
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Joined: 7/13/12
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Book mark it. When it’s time
Jun 17, 2020, 10:11 AM
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Drop knowledge on shark girl and she will think you are actually ready to be a father
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Oculus Spirit [75673]
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LOL, no.
Jun 17, 2020, 10:17 AM
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I don't want, am too old, and can't afford.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Joined: 8/29/12
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how old are you?***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:18 AM
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Oculus Spirit [75673]
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Well, I'm on the back side of 30.***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:26 AM
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Joined: 8/29/12
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My dad turned 41 2 months after I was born
Jun 17, 2020, 10:32 AM
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You got time my friend.
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Legend [17449]
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Posts: 5890
Joined: 7/1/03
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My bet... aero is next.
Jun 17, 2020, 11:20 AM
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My wife has an uncle who didn’t have his first till 52. Girlfriend said she couldn’t get pregnant. Ha ha ha. They ended up getting married and popping out a second one. You would think someone with all that money would at least have to be smart. Apparently not.
He did always want kids, though. So there’s that.
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Oculus Spirit [75673]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 108826
Joined: 10/26/03
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Oculus Spirit [80978]
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Posts: 56059
Joined: 9/13/04
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I knew a dude who was 55 and had twins.
Jun 17, 2020, 1:49 PM
[ in reply to My dad turned 41 2 months after I was born ] |
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He married the town who-ore, who thought he had a lot of money because he was well known. He didn't, she divorced him, and now he's 71, still working, paying child support and alimony, probably for the rest of his life.
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All-In [40342]
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Fair enough, add very self aware to the list***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:32 AM
[ in reply to LOL, no. ] |
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Oculus Spirit [80978]
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Joined: 9/13/04
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If i found out I was going to be a father at my age
Jun 17, 2020, 1:50 PM
[ in reply to LOL, no. ] |
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that would be a one way trip to the jetties with me and my shotgun.
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All-In [40342]
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Posts: 23463
Joined: 7/13/12
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don't waste the boat, I'll happily give you a ride.
Jun 17, 2020, 1:58 PM
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I'll even tie the anchor to you and let the crabs do the rest.
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Oculus Spirit [80978]
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Joined: 9/13/04
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I wouldn't shoot the boat***
Jun 17, 2020, 1:59 PM
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All-In [40342]
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but if you can't drive, you don't want it just floating
Jun 17, 2020, 2:06 PM
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i'll steer her into harbor safely for you
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All-In [40342]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 7/13/12
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You are going to wind up with a freezer full
Jun 17, 2020, 10:08 AM
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Milk bags.
You can sell them online to offset the cost of the little bastage
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24908
Joined: 8/29/12
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MauldinT and all his ebay scoks be lik
Jun 17, 2020, 10:11 AM
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All-In [34486]
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Joined: 8/30/19
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Re: GITT and give Rulez some fatherly advice
Jun 17, 2020, 10:15 AM
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Man, this whole thread got me like
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Joined: 8/29/12
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That's a video of me directly following the nurse asking me
Jun 17, 2020, 10:17 AM
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if I wanted to feel the head once it was crowning.
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All-In [46799]
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Posts: 30710
Joined: 8/11/15
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You're ######***
Jun 17, 2020, 10:39 AM
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Oculus Spirit [85088]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24864
Joined: 5/21/14
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Read up on what to do if
Jun 17, 2020, 11:41 AM
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Babby is choking
Start a 529 based on what you can afford, what you expect college to cost, and based on being able to donate that amount per month to babby 2, or 3, or 4....Really, if you go past 3 just scratch the idea of a 529.
Tell your wife you love her often and she is beautiful.
Is this a boy or girl? Just be cautious changing diapers, have everything ready
Those lil rubber thingies on the bath faucet are good to protect babby's head
Don't let babby roll off the changing table
Most importantly, eat a BODs
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Strong work, Mclovin!***
Jun 17, 2020, 12:06 PM
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All-In [43576]
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Posts: 18033
Joined: 4/24/15
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1. Put milk in the freezer
Jun 17, 2020, 12:13 PM
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2. Quarantine. Covid can kill babby.
3. If it cries it's only for a few reasons: Gas, hawngry, tired, or shatty diaper
4. Mentally prepare yourself for nosex for like the rest of your life
5. Buy yourself a nice gift. In the $1000 range. Call it a gift from babby to you.
6. Prepare for wife crazy level to double. Triple actually.
7. Eat a yuge bag of dikks
8. Prepare for no fugging sleep
9. Prepare for pretty much no nothing for a while. Gone be stuck at the house doing nuttin.
10. Hold 'em and hug 'em. They grow up quick.
11. Post pre babby noods of red ITT
12. Tom Brady
13. Renfrow
14. Cornell P
15. Tim Tebow
16. Jake Plummer
17. The end.
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Joined: 8/2/03
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Just because the baby maker is shut down, doesn't mean her
Jun 17, 2020, 12:28 PM
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jaw and mud pit are out of commish.
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Oculus Spirit [79114]
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Posts: 24908
Joined: 8/29/12
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yeah and 2 hands
Jun 17, 2020, 12:35 PM
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she can service 4 guys at once
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Posts: 78623
Joined: 8/2/03
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Also, they have trouble pooping right after giving birth, so
Jun 17, 2020, 12:43 PM
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this will actual help facilitate movements.
You're helping!
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Lot o points [163010]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 31933
Joined: 1/17/07
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Some good stuff in here
Jun 17, 2020, 12:42 PM
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sometimes babies just have to cry themselves to sleep - my wife had a tough time with that, but if you know the diaper is clean, they are not sick, they are not hungry and need to sleep - give them a few minutes and they will go to sleep.
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Hall of Famer [22935]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 16892
Joined: 12/2/00
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If a baby boy, don't bother with the PeePee TeePee
Jun 17, 2020, 1:29 PM
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Kids move around while changing diapers, and you won't be able to keep it on. Just keep the old diaper as cover while you wipe.
Never leave a kid unattended on an elevated area (changing table, couch, bed, airplane wing, etc). We had good success with a bumbo when hanging out on the floor, but saw kid wobble too much when on a table.
Take lots of naps. Invest in a good/quick bottle warmer.
Train yourself to be a heavy sleeper. That way the wife handles all the nighttime and early morning wakeup duties.
Don't worry about all the smells and messes. For some reason they won't bother you as much as you'd expect.
Don't invest in a bunch of cutesy outfits. Find a bunch of comfy regular clothes.
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All-In [40342]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23463
Joined: 7/13/12
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solid advice on the clothes
Jun 17, 2020, 1:57 PM
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little monsters grow like weeds and need a new size every 7.5 days.
Get all of the hand me downs you can. They are a baby, they have no sense of style and money and status.
We had a friend selling toddler shoes on facebook market and there were like 75 pairs. Someone replied how many toddlers do you have? they have 1, exactly 1.
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Don't let them sleep in the bed with you.
Jun 17, 2020, 1:38 PM
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Sarahadidas has seen tons of tragic deaths where the parent unknowningly rolled over on the baby while sleeping.
Become an amazon-mom member and buy diapers in bulk. Slickdeals.net is your friend. If you see a good deal on wipes or diapers, stock up. I had, at one point, like a years supply.
Stick to name brand diapers. All of the off-brand ones just don't cut it. Pampers were our go-to.... and I'm usually a cheapskate.
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All-In [46799]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 30710
Joined: 8/11/15
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But be smart about it.
Jun 17, 2020, 9:02 PM
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You don't need all of the newborn diapers you have.
It's best to buy a couple of bulk boxes of each size.
We ended up with 4 boxes of newborn diapers we never got to use because he and she was already in bigger sizes.
I suggest buying 2 large boxes of each size up to size 3.
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