Replies: 15
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All-In [34486]
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Posts: 13513
Joined: 8/30/19
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A little ashamed to tell this
Apr 16, 2021, 1:37 PM
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But otw home from the bar last night. Felt a fart coming. Farted.
It wasn't a fart. And before you yawn and get bored. This was no ordinary shart. The contents of my underwear was the equivalent a KING-SIZED snickers bar that had been sitting out in the summer sun all afternoon. It was thick and chunky and runny all at the same time. And it smelled like something that would come out of a 92 year old dying old lady's sphincter.
It was so gag-worthy that I actually pressed my fanny down really hard in the seat of my car in hopes of pushing some of it back up into my butttwhole.
Pulled in the garage and was so distracted that I hit the door to my storage room on the backside of the garage (no damage, thankfully). I wasn't taking this in the house with me, so I stripped buck naked in the garage. Wiped my arsehole, legs and cheeks with an oil rag that was in the garage. Then I just left my undies and shorts out there overnight in shame. They went in the garbage this morning using the pick-up stick that I use to gather pinecones out of the yard.
And then I went to bed without showering. Speaking of which, I need to go to a smell test in my car, as I left the windows open all night.
I left my wallet in the pants overnight and now the leather smells like dookey. I need to get my life together.
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All-In [40656]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23591
Joined: 1/29/05
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You and me within a 2 week span
Apr 16, 2021, 1:39 PM
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All-In [42860]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 3/1/18
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I'd be ashamed too. All those pinescones wasted...***
Apr 16, 2021, 1:39 PM
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All-In [31446]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 10171
Joined: 1/28/15
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Re: A little ashamed to tell this
Apr 16, 2021, 1:40 PM
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Good lord man, do some kegels or something. How loose is your sphincter to just instantly release an entire log? A little squidge is one thing, but to fill your shorts? Give the analizing a rest for a little while, build back some tone.
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Oculus Spirit [79189]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24916
Joined: 8/29/12
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What do you expect when he's hollowing out himself with that
Apr 16, 2021, 1:49 PM
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All-American Whopper?
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Oculus Spirit [79427]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 63272
Joined: 10/30/05
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No shower???
Apr 16, 2021, 1:46 PM
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Oculus Spirit [79189]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24916
Joined: 8/29/12
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What the ####### #### is that ####?***
Apr 16, 2021, 1:47 PM
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Oculus Spirit [79427]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 10/30/05
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Thursday night***
Apr 16, 2021, 1:51 PM
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All-In [40656]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Well
Apr 16, 2021, 1:54 PM
[ in reply to No shower??? ] |
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Well
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Oculus Spirit [79427]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 63272
Joined: 10/30/05
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Happy Friday!***
Apr 16, 2021, 2:06 PM
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Joined: 9/27/04
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Is that ScatMan that the kids are all talking about?***
Apr 16, 2021, 2:10 PM
[ in reply to No shower??? ] |
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Oculus Spirit [97703]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64842
Joined: 7/13/02
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Re: No shower???
Apr 16, 2021, 4:04 PM
[ in reply to No shower??? ] |
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Oculus Spirit [79189]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24916
Joined: 8/29/12
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Dood, what's wrong with you? You've sharted more times this
Apr 16, 2021, 1:49 PM
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year than I have my entire adult life. When will you learn not to trust a fart?
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All-In [38154]
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Joined: 5/21/13
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Re: A little ashamed to tell this
Apr 16, 2021, 1:52 PM
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.
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Hall of Famer [24022]
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Posts: 12143
Joined: 9/1/14
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You are truly
Apr 16, 2021, 3:00 PM
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a shi t poster. Yet somehow, I keep reading this cra p.
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Oculus Spirit [97703]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64842
Joined: 7/13/02
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No shame in your game at all.
Apr 16, 2021, 4:02 PM
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I mean I've sharted as well, back in probably first grade.
Seriously, took a nice, large, normal dump earlier today. A few minutes ago I had this massive fart. I let it ripped. And it ripped, and ripped, and ripped.
Just past the halfway mark, there was a full involuntary emergency sphincter shutoff. ALL STOP. After a quick check, I realized the safety shutoff valve worked as advertised. But the inevitable was about to happen. The pressure was still there, so went to the toilet. Sat down, then released the rest of the he>ll hounds. And as expected, blew mud all over the place. Battered the back of the toilet too. I'll be pissing that off for a week now.
Anyway, don't feel alone here. Even though I never shart due to my pristine virgin bunghole and still-functioning shutoff valve, my day is coming. I promise I will report when it finally happens.
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