Maybe some of you older wiser people can help

The only psychological training I have is personal observation, but the kids I have known (family, friends of family, etc.) all view the world super myopically.

That is, they can't see much past tomorrow, if even that far into the future. I think media of all sorts, TV, twitter, and the basic speed of life, accentuates that.

Most kid crises I have had to deal with include emphasizing to them 1) It's not the end of the world, and 2) If you are lucky enough to live out your natural life, it's going to be so long you will bored out of your skull before it's over. So chill out.

They seem only to live only in the moment, and EVERYTHING is deadly serious. Who said something mean about them on twitter, what clothes their friends are wearing, just the most superficial stuff one can possibly imagine. I ask them "are you in control of your reactions, or are you out of control? Take a breath, get some perspective, and revisit this crisis tomorrow. See what you think about it then."

Plus, the pressure to share every aspect of your life all the time on Social Media is something unique to their generation. And most people don't air their dirtiest laundry, so they are all getting a skewed view of reality to compare their own lives against. All they see is how green the grass is in everyone else's yard.

Of course, when you have less than 20 years of life experience to call on, they're simply working with what they've got. And it ain't much at that age.

So I just tell them "Unless you do something drastic, you aren't even going to even remember this current crisis in a year, or a month, and probably not by next week. Of course, if you do do something drastic, you might make it memorable, just in a bad way.

We get a distorted view too, though. If it bleeds it leads, and in a country of 330 million folks, there are bound to be some disturbed apples. Why they lash out I couldn't tell you, but there are a lot more that don't lash out but who need just as much help.

My best friend in HS took his own life (thankfully no one else's), and he was genuinely chemically imbalanced. He was also brilliant. Top of the class in everything.

We used to talk about it a lot in fact. He took pride in not taking his meds, thought he was getting away with something and fooling his doctors (which of course he wasn't). I'd say "man, I wouldn't fool around with that stuff. You need to do what they say." And he would reply "eh, the meds slow me down." Which they did. That was the whole point of the doctors prescribing them. His mind was in high gear all time. So it's not just "evil" folks, it's folks who need legit help in a way they simply cannot control themselves.

We only think we are in command of our bodies, but that's largely an illusion, and when the chemicals get out of whack, you no longer are who you think, or thought, you were.

Fordtunate Son

All-In [29810]

TigerPulse: 100%

Posts: 8828

Joined: 10/31/10

Re: Seems dangerous to generalize, but

May 26, 2022, 12:47 PM

Agree completely. I'll even piggyback off your answer with a little religion and a little farmer's common sense.

To Buddhists, the two driving forces of the world are fear, and desire. Desire not in just in the sense of wanting material things, but the general feeling of "I want whatever"...I want my bottle, I want you to act this way, I want this to be that way, I want the sky to be green, could be anything.

My farmer grandad would have called the same phenomenon the carrot and the stick. We want the carrot, and fear the stick.

So to Buddhists, the way to peace, or enlightenment, is to remove or at least dampen those two agitating forces. They meditate to try and overcome, or block out of their mind, the effects of fear and desire. And the more you block them out, the more peaceful your life is.

The Taoists do the same thing, but instead of blocking fear and desire out, their methodology is to learn to accept reality and roll with it. It's a hard lesson for some folks that they don't control everything in the world, and everything isn't going to go their way all the time. Particularly when so much is "me" driven: "You deserve it", "You're worth it", "You earned it", and so on.

One of the hardest lessons in life is that no one really gives a shid about you. Maybe your parents if you are lucky, maybe a good friend or two, maybe a spouse, but 90% of the people in your life are acquaintances and not much more. As soon as the rubber really hits the road, they will vanish, guaranteed. I've seen it over and over in my professional, and personal life.

I had a friend and workmate who was a pretty highly placed, influential, and popular guy in his prime. The kind of guy dozens made an effort to meet at a party, just so they could be seen shaking his hand for a photo op. But when scandal hit him, and he was innocent, he couldn't count 5 people who were there to help him though it. And he was genuinely one of the best people I have ever known. If there was ever anyone on this planet who had impeccable integrity and honesty, and should have been given the benefit of the doubt, it was this guy. But his "friends" scattered like roaches.

As it relates to this kid, I just wonder what might have happened if instead of raging on his grandma and the school he had been taught by someone to just go to his room and go to sleep for a few hours. Unless he had a true mental disturbance or chemical imbalance, it might have made some difference. Passion in the moment usually leads to bad things.

Whatever his demons were, accepting reality is hard enough for anybody, much less a young kid who was under who knows what pressures. And getting caught up emotionally in something rarely makes anything better. Patience, perspective, and just chilling out for a moment is something that would help a lot of kids.

And like you mentioned, they need good parents to teach that to them.

flag link

military_tech

thumb_down

thumb_up

Maybe some of you older wiser people can help

Spend a life being bullied or ostracized or marginalized,

Re: Spend a life being bullied or ostracized or marginalized,

Could be any number of reasons.

Thats basically what happens when you're an old white guy

Re: Maybe some of you older wiser people can help

good stuff***

well, you will always be remembered

Seems dangerous to generalize, but

Re: Seems dangerous to generalize, but

It's evil.***

TigerBoard POTD