Simple kid's stuff, and a turribel memory.

Jan 7, 2023, 8:14 AM

When I was about 11 or 12, I began to pine for an "English Racer" type bicycle. This would have been around 1965/66. At that time, that meant a "3-speed" for the most part. There were some of the low slung 10 speeds around, but they had not yet gained favor.

My parents got me one for Christmas that year, complete with the rail thin tires and paltry "caliper on the edge of the rim" brakes. But, me being mechanically reclined, even at an early age, I could not just let this bike remain in its "as bought" condition. More on that later, but first, I had to do the obligatory thing for back then, which was to gather up some clothespins, and some baseball cards, and proceed to get my bike "clacking", by having the clothespined cards hit the spokes as the wheels turned. I don't know why that sound was enjoyable, but generations of kids before and after me assured that it was! Of course, the cards quickly wore out, and had to be replaced often.

I soon tired of such mundane stuff, and affixed a siren that was driven off the edge of the rim whenever I pulled the cable. But, the luster quickly (and literally, that thing rusted almost overnight) wore off the siren as well. So, I did something that I believe may be unique to this day, at least I have not seen another one so modified.

Back in this time period, there were "Western Auto" stores around, and they stocked, among other things, a veritable plethora of items for bicycles, from tubes and tires, to seats, rims, handlebars, you name it. So, per my evil Master Plan, I purchased a long "banana" seat, and a long pair of "chopper" type bike handlebars, with which I converted (perverted?) my English racer into a large Banana bike. I angled the handlebars back enough that I could sit tall in the saddle while riding down the road in ridiculous style.

However, what are bikes without going "off road" in some capacity, even back then? The led to what I am sure any young male who ever rode a bicycle will tell you is one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences that can befall the male of the species. I was making loops around one of the big farm equipment sheds we had on the farm, and the upper end of the loop went through the staging area for logs at my dads sawmill. As such, the ground was covered with bits of pine bark. Some of these bits were shielding a small hole, about 6 inches deep, perhaps, and just big enough for a bike tire to fit into. Somehow, I missed it with the front tire, but not with the rear. The banana seat went down, and then suddenly back up, and the next thing I remember is lying on the ground in that uniquely male pain that cannot be adequately described, only felt.

I must have lain there for about fifteen minutes before I decided that I would, in fact, live to see another day. Another 15 minutes of slow riding, on FLAT OPEN ROAD, and I was back to normal. Trust me, that was a lesson learned about bikes and terrain that only had to be learned once in a lifetime!