|
Replies: 11
| visibility 375
|
All-In [43650]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 18071
Joined: 4/24/15
|
shatnet diary
Jun 30, 2017, 1:41 PM
|
|
TRDJ drank some beers last night. Then he left his house without shatting this morning, which is a cardinal sin perpetuated by oversleeping.
Had coffee. No problem. Made it through meetings, all good. Went to lunch with a group of folks and ate heartily. Post lunch chit chat...and it hit me. Fugging North Korean missile surrounded by an Indonesian tsunami fittin to launch right from my belly through my brownstar.
Alas, I had choices:
1. Shat in the dirty little tortas joint I was in
2. Risk it and dash home like I'm avoiding Roscoe P. Coltrane.
#1 was eliminated because #2 was a waaaaaay better choice.
Leaving tortas parking lot took a bit waiting on traffic. I immediately knew I made a mistake. My stomach felt like a shaken can of Mr Pibb on a hot summer day in Darlington. Hurt so bad I was curled over sideways...clenching....contemplating coming to peace with dropping a dirty mop bucket full of diarrhea right in the drivers seat and dealing with the aftermath when I get home.
5 min later, I'm halfway home. THINGS ARE GOING WELL! Everything had calmed down internally while driving home like I was in 2nd place in the Baha.
Get home, pull in driveway, and WHAMMO. It's back. I cannot make it. I can't even stand up to get out of the car what with the certain feeling I had that I'd blow it right out in my driveway. So I wait. Another risk. I sit in the car for about 2 minutes, then reconcile the fact that ANYWHERE outside of the car is best. Mad dash I make.
VICTORY. I make it to the terlit. I may very well have blown the wax ring out. Successful blowout was had, as clean as possible AND in the comfort of my own abode.
This wraps up the story of me nearly shatting myself.
The end.
|
|
|
|
 |
Oculus Spirit [85277]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24911
Joined: 5/21/14
|
Congrats on pooping***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:44 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-In [43650]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 18071
Joined: 4/24/15
|
thank you***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-TigerNet [14282]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 13859
Joined: 7/10/03
|
why not poop at work?***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:44 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-In [43650]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 18071
Joined: 4/24/15
|
i did
Jun 30, 2017, 1:45 PM
|
|
I work at home
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
I thought you were a restauranter?***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:47 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-In [43650]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 18071
Joined: 4/24/15
|
correct
Jun 30, 2017, 1:49 PM
|
|
But home is where the money is counted
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [79183]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 24915
Joined: 8/29/12
|
So you're not the cook?***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:51 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All-In [43650]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 18071
Joined: 4/24/15
|
Depends***
Jun 30, 2017, 1:53 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heisman Winner [105519]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 65182
Joined: 12/2/02
|
Would have helped out alot in this situation***
Jun 30, 2017, 2:57 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oculus Spirit [97698]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 64837
Joined: 7/13/02
|
Sharting is 90% psychological
Jun 30, 2017, 3:07 PM
|
|
You can go all day without feeling the slightest rumble. Get within 2 miles of home and it hits you like a gallon of MoviPrep. By the time you hit that inevitable traffic snarl close to home, and get through all those red lights, and from behind the little old lady, and FINALLY get home, you're in a mad sprint to the toilet. And somehow, you always JUST make it. Hence 90% psychological
Pro tip: If you're on the road and feel the need, find the nearest hotel with a lobby. Walk in like you own the place and use their bathroom. MUCH cleaner than anywhere else.
|
|
|
|
|
|
110%er [7390]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 8066
Joined: 11/8/12
|
This strategy works like a charm in downtowns as well.
Jun 30, 2017, 3:17 PM
|
|
For example, using a hotel in such a manner is highly successful here in Charleston; my favorites are the East Bay St. luxury hotels, where the little old Russian housekeepers do not understand your attempts at conversation enough to be distracted from impeccable cleaning services. I am certain the same can be said for the highly valued Central American princesses found at hospitality franchises close by.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Replies: 11
| visibility 375
|
|
|
50
