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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Thinking of initiating divorce in the near future. Any
May 14, 2012, 2:51 PM
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strategery advice from those who have been through it?
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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prepare yer Enos.***
May 14, 2012, 2:52 PM
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 10/26/03
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Go out for a pack of cigarettes and just don't go back.***
May 14, 2012, 2:52 PM
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Heisman Winner [105551]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 12/2/02
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offshore bank account, just guessing here though. good luck***
May 14, 2012, 2:54 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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ha you beat me to it*****
May 14, 2012, 2:54 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Offshore bank account********
May 14, 2012, 2:54 PM
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Starter [389]
TigerPulse: 92%
Posts: 370
Joined: 8/3/01
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Re: Thinking of initiating divorce in the near future. Any
May 14, 2012, 2:54 PM
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Do you have children involved as well?
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Two
May 14, 2012, 7:16 PM
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I'd want custody to get them out of this little shop of horrors.
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All-In [45047]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 8/26/03
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Careful, someone on here will probably out you sooner than
May 14, 2012, 2:55 PM
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you want.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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welcome to the 52%!
May 14, 2012, 2:55 PM
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Chances are even better now that marriage #2 wont work, either.
Congrats!
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Should #1 end, there will never be a second
May 15, 2012, 11:56 AM
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trek down the aisle.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
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Joined: 11/30/98
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I'm with you on that.
May 15, 2012, 12:49 PM
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Were mine to end, and I have no reason to think it will, but I will have proved to myself that much like golf..I'm just not good at it--no need to try again.
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Heisman Winner [105551]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 65195
Joined: 12/2/02
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Do you blame ghey marriage?***
May 14, 2012, 2:57 PM
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Lot o points [180994]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 94633
Joined: 12/5/10
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Not fun, but it's worth it.***
May 14, 2012, 2:57 PM
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CU Medallion [73569]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 78044
Joined: 11/30/98
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well, my nieghbor
May 14, 2012, 3:01 PM
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cheated on her husband with numerous people, one who commited suicide who was running for office when he got caught.
She now lives(for over a yr now) in the same house(350K+) with main custody of her 3 kids, and just bought a new car and doesn't work. I don't know how she affords to live but I'm guessing her ex who lives with family now is paying for her great lifestyle.
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Heisman Winner [105551]
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Joined: 12/2/02
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I don't understand how this happens.***
May 14, 2012, 3:03 PM
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CU Medallion [73569]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 78044
Joined: 11/30/98
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well, child support doesn't take into account cheating
May 14, 2012, 3:07 PM
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you can be a ##### and still get custody of your kids which means money money money!
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
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Joined: 11/30/98
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its the kids that seem to be the ongoing expensive part
May 14, 2012, 3:09 PM
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And if you have joint property, there is that.
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All-In [28802]
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Joined: 11/14/03
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seems to me...
May 14, 2012, 3:32 PM
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the trouble is that, if there's no fault involved in the way things are divvied up in divorce, you can end up with somebody who gets to keep the kids (who the father loves) and doesn't have to deal with any of the attendant financial difficulties even though they were the main instigator and cause of the divorce. That's a kind of financial incentive for divorce that we really shouldn't be giving people, and (in most cases) it's also a burden on men who don't get to be around their children and still can be forced to pay for whatever kind of life their ex-wives want to have. Now, in our culture I consider child support to be a necessary evil, but the way we do things now seems rather unjust.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
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Joined: 11/30/98
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agreed. also seems like an incentive to not have kids.
May 14, 2012, 3:34 PM
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I mean that's not my reason why I dont want any, but it certainly doesn't hurt.
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Heisman Winner [105551]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 65195
Joined: 12/2/02
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If someone is worried about the financial part of divorce
May 14, 2012, 3:36 PM
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enough to not have kids at the onset of the marriage, there probably isn't the commitment there in the first place to get married. Why not just stay single?
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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having children isn't why I got married.***
May 14, 2012, 3:38 PM
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 108847
Joined: 10/26/03
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I'd simpy find a way to get fired from my job before the
May 14, 2012, 3:41 PM
[ in reply to seems to me... ] |
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divorce got started, then I would make sure got a really bad job. I'd tell the judge to do his worst but there just won't be money there to give her.
I'm still trying to work out a way to make sure child support has little to no cash value.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I dont think it works that way.
May 14, 2012, 3:43 PM
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Historically, judges dont care how much money the guy has to live on in order to support his children.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Yes, it does matter. Child support is a simple calculation
May 14, 2012, 3:50 PM
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primarily based on gross monthly income.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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That's part of the equation. The other part is
May 14, 2012, 4:06 PM
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some component of historic earnings. Therefore the "get a new low-paying job" approach is a bad one.
Check out Terrell Owens, Dennis Rodman, Antoine Walker. They can all vouch for this.
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All-In [28802]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 58393
Joined: 11/14/03
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CU Medallion [73569]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 78044
Joined: 11/30/98
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yep, thats him!
May 14, 2012, 3:28 PM
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she probably slept with about 10 different people if not more. Her ex found out and sent an email to everyone in her email contacts letting them know of her shennanigans. Classic. Then this suicide happened around 6 months later after they were separated.
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CU Medallion [56069]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 31637
Joined: 8/27/02
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Re: Thinking of initiating divorce in the near future. Any
May 14, 2012, 3:01 PM
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Oculus Spirit [83116]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 80156
Joined: 11/29/99
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Get in the car and drive, just drive.***
May 14, 2012, 3:06 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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^^^great advice.***
May 14, 2012, 3:30 PM
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Heisman Winner [137908]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 10/22/00
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pic of wife will help us provide better guidance.***
May 14, 2012, 3:08 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS WILL GIVE US BETTER DIRECTION******
May 14, 2012, 3:11 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
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Orange Blooded [3821]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 4418
Joined: 1/7/17
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cheaper to keep her***
May 14, 2012, 3:17 PM
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All-In [28802]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 58393
Joined: 11/14/03
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don't do it***
May 14, 2012, 3:22 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I find your answer interesting.
May 14, 2012, 3:40 PM
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Unless you know details you aren't sharing, why would you tell him tgat?
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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as bad as marraige is...divorce is worse.
May 14, 2012, 3:29 PM
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unless one of you is unfaithful...prepare for a trainwreck.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I dunno..Many of my friends have done it
May 14, 2012, 3:37 PM
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And seem much happier either single again, or when they got re-married to someone when they got older.
I think I'd rather be alone than miserable, but that's just me.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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The only one who is smiling after a divorce?
May 14, 2012, 3:38 PM
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The divorce attorney, and the plastic surgeon.
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Legend [15863]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 28958
Joined: 9/18/01
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don't forget the wine rep. & the single dood banging your ex
May 14, 2012, 5:06 PM
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like a screen door during a hurricane.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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If its that bad, neither one of you will live 40 more years.***
May 14, 2012, 3:39 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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how would you come to this conclusion?***
May 14, 2012, 3:41 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Murder/suicide.or Stress related illness.***
May 14, 2012, 3:42 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Sometimes folks get married and end up not getting along
May 14, 2012, 3:46 PM
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I mean divorce isnt the best option..but sometimes I think its the only option.
It doesnt necessarily mean one or both of them will die because of a crappy choice they made in marriage.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Science. You can't argue facts.***
May 14, 2012, 3:51 PM
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All-TigerNet [12855]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 14715
Joined: 11/5/01
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Legend [15863]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 28958
Joined: 9/18/01
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Re: Thinking of initiating divorce in the near future. Any
May 14, 2012, 3:36 PM
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Orange Blooded [4693]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 2481
Joined: 9/1/06
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try some marriage counseling
May 14, 2012, 3:50 PM
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if you haven't already
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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^^^^^^Winning answer. And if that doesn't work
May 14, 2012, 3:53 PM
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get some more.
Work it out and don't get a divorce. Will be better off in the long run.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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The thing is, if I lay down the gauntlet and say "we either
May 15, 2012, 8:07 AM
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get some outside help to fix this, or we go our separate ways", I have to have a credible plan in place for said separation. Hopping in the car and going to the Holiday Inn ain't it. Plus, I have no desire to leave my kids behind so because then they would be incurring her temper without anyone to step in.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Would love too. mrs will not do it. Pretty sure she knows
May 14, 2012, 7:21 PM
[ in reply to try some marriage counseling ] |
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that the therapist will enlighten her that screaming and histrionics are not the proper way to start every conversation.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I'm no dr-therapist-stayedinaholidayinguy,but it sounds like
May 15, 2012, 9:41 AM
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in looking at some of the antics, she needs medical help. Depression or something?
Anyway to get her on meds?
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I see many classic depression symptoms. But the problem
May 15, 2012, 10:21 AM
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is that everything is my fault. "You make me act this way,etc!" She locks her heels and goes into shouting mode at the first mention of talking to an outside professional. She appears to lack the maturity to see that only she can control the way she responds to situations. No one else is inside her brain controlling things (I hope!).
What adds to my frustration, is that when we have friends over or are out in public, she can be very polite and charming. Ditto her behavior at work. So she has the capacity to be nice at home but clearly choses not to.
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Letterman [298]
TigerPulse: 91%
Posts: 766
Joined: 3/5/08
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watch the movie Fireproof first***
May 14, 2012, 4:04 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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if you want to see the worst acting ever?
May 14, 2012, 4:06 PM
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Heck, just make it a trilogy night...watch Facing the Giants, Fireproof and Courageous.
You'll decide that nothing...not even your marriage is as bad as those films.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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saw fireproof.
May 14, 2012, 4:09 PM
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Horrible.
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Letterman [298]
TigerPulse: 91%
Posts: 766
Joined: 3/5/08
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haha - not great acting but the main thing is the message***
May 14, 2012, 4:27 PM
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Ring of Honor [32958]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 53106
Joined: 3/5/02
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Hitmen are cheaper, and of generally better character
May 14, 2012, 4:08 PM
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than divorce attorneys. hth
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All-In [34823]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 41036
Joined: 2/6/01
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You will probably get a Ford Mail.***
May 14, 2012, 4:28 PM
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CU Medallion [53233]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 21820
Joined: 11/16/05
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PRE-NUMP***
May 14, 2012, 4:13 PM
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Legend [15863]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 28958
Joined: 9/18/01
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first thing you should do is move to Arizona, then file
May 14, 2012, 4:59 PM
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laws much more in your favor there my friend.
had a friend tell me her dad did this.
can't decide if evil or genious - she is bat #### treet rat crazy as hell though - so if it's genetical maybe that dood is smarter than most trying to escape.
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All-In [38925]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 3/17/11
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I'm an expert. What you need to know.***
May 14, 2012, 5:07 PM
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I want the house and kids, and for her to get a job and
May 15, 2012, 8:09 AM
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support herself.
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All-In [34823]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 2/6/01
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What a novel and daring idea!
May 15, 2012, 8:13 AM
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Not happening.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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^^^^^100% correct. I'd scrap the whole idea it that's what
May 15, 2012, 8:42 AM
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you are after.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I know. But one should always go for the whole
May 15, 2012, 9:27 AM
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enchilada and then scale back. It gives the other side the sense of winning something. As a loving father, it would be better to stay and run interference for my kids than to walk away and leave them to fend for themselves. Mind you, it is pretty much all verbal abuse so their/our physical safety is not in danger.
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All-In [34823]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 41036
Joined: 2/6/01
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Yeah, but a shrieking harpy can wreak a lot of havoc.
May 15, 2012, 9:28 AM
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A punch might come as a welcome diversion.
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Rock Defender [53]
TigerPulse: 90%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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Once she slapped a kid across her face and it left a hand
May 15, 2012, 9:33 AM
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print for a couple hours. If that happens again, its 911 and pressing charges.
You are right though. Verbal abuse is quite damaging to the kids. That sticks and stones rhyme only applies to people you don't love.
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Orange Blooded [4693]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 9/1/06
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That sucks
May 14, 2012, 7:25 PM
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Good luck man
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All-TigerNet [11252]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 6674
Joined: 11/23/03
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Best case scenario
May 15, 2012, 11:13 AM
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1. Get her to leave on her own. The one in the house has the some leverage. Kids are primary concern.
2. Limit your financial exposure as much as possible. That said, your life is an open book in discovery. Think of the camera up your butt, mortgage, etc.
3. Don't settle till you get what you want, within reason. Judges generally don't like to be the end arbitrator. Lawyers don't really give a crap as long as they are getting paid. Mediators are just another lawyer but the court likes to see you tried. Be prepared to wait as long as it takes. One of the two parties has to pursue a settlement or it won't go anywhere. All an adultery claim will get you is a slightly quicker divorce. It's all in who is willing to settle and for what.
4. Document everything for as long as it takes. Pictures can help if it helps make the point. Very few divorces actually go to trial but that's the way to prepare.
5. If you do leave, take everything you want when you go. You can fight over it later. You know what they say about possession...
Oh, very important, shop around for a lawyer that you are comfortable with. What the judge thinks of your lawyer is VERY IMPORTANT (maybe the most important)!
I could really go on and tell you things a lawyer can't or won't. PM me if my vast experience could be of use, LOL.
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