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Replies: 49
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CU Medallion [55642]
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Real talk: lilAPMette's "boyfriend" is coming over tonight.
Sep 22, 2021, 12:59 PM
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Wants to meet me and Mrs. PAW.
Mrs. PAW knows the family and says she's just glad he's being coached up to do the right things.
lil'APMette has asked that we (by that she means APM) behave ourselves.
How should I behave Lungeites?
I expect mostly shiddtalk but any serious replies from those who have been there, done that, will be appreciated.
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Oculus Spirit [81617]
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Sit on the porch cleaning your gun, duh.***
Sep 22, 2021, 12:59 PM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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I don't see how masturbating in front of neighbors is
Sep 22, 2021, 1:23 PM
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"behaving"
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Heisman Winner [112363]
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Just be you. ******
Sep 22, 2021, 1:01 PM
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CU Medallion [55642]
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Yeah, see...that could be a problem.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:03 PM
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The real APM dad is your typical embarrassing dad. Dad jokes were mostly made about me.
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All-In [33418]
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Don't you run marathons? Be nice to him so he doesn't
Sep 22, 2021, 1:02 PM
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kick your little scrawny ### 
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Oculus Spirit [79110]
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Assert dominance quickly.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:02 PM
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Answer the door in your bathrobe and let him get a glance of your bawlz.
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Heisman Winner [105420]
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fuuuuu, I should have read the replies before i posted.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:08 PM
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Great advice though.
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Heisman Winner [135631]
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Make sure you have the fire pit going
Sep 22, 2021, 1:05 PM
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Heisman Winner [135460]
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I bet he knows someone that would rent skulls to him.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:48 PM
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As long as I get them back bleached white again, to avoid the 'penalty', I mean.
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Oculus Spirit [82973]
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What if David Wooderson pulls up in a
Sep 22, 2021, 1:07 PM
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Camero smoking a Marlboro Red?
Just watch the sarcasm. Young dudes never got mine.
Scared the shlt out of my daughter's BF watching 2016 NC State OT game.
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Heisman Winner [105420]
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Pour a stiff drink, put on your favorite album really loud,
Sep 22, 2021, 1:07 PM
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and ignore the fuck out of the kid. Waltz around your living room like the King you are. Maybe just wear some boxers and let your nuts hang out a little, just to flex on him.
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Heisman Winner [137759]
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So, if I'm reading this correctly,
Sep 22, 2021, 1:54 PM
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he needs to borrow a pair of your 2" inseam Baggies?
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Heisman Winner [105420]
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Nah, they got a liner, his pendulous balls would be
Sep 22, 2021, 2:10 PM
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trapped in a "net" so to speak.
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All-In [27403]
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how old is he?
Sep 22, 2021, 1:11 PM
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~cs02
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CU Medallion [55642]
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16 or 17***
Sep 22, 2021, 1:20 PM
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All-In [43530]
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Regardless, just let him hear it from you:
Sep 22, 2021, 1:12 PM
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Whatever you do with my daughter, expect that you will do that with me too. Keep that in mind and choose your actions carefully.
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Oculus Spirit [79110]
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And finish the conversation with
Sep 22, 2021, 1:19 PM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Re: And finish***
Sep 22, 2021, 1:38 PM
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Oculus Spirit [97652]
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I wouldn't do anything special.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:13 PM
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I'd just be sure to start cleaning my favorite shotgun just before he comes in the house. Ask him to look down the barrel (you haven't cleaned yet) and hold it to the light and ask if it looks clean. If he says yes, he's bad news. If he says no it looks dirty, you got a keeper.
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Oculus Spirit [82973]
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Or blow him a shotgun through the barrel ala
Sep 22, 2021, 1:20 PM
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Willem Dafoe in Platoon.
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Heisman Winner [119560]
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Make sure all your toilets are flushed and
Sep 22, 2021, 1:23 PM
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the gerbils are put back into their cage...
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CU Medallion [60205]
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ask him what his favorite book of The Bible is
Sep 22, 2021, 1:42 PM
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and then explain to him why you prefer the Old Testament God of Wrath and Vengeance.
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CU Medallion [60205]
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Re: ask him what his favorite book of The Bible is
Sep 22, 2021, 4:20 PM
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All-In [26671]
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I think we all know what’s going to happen , being APM is a
Sep 22, 2021, 1:43 PM
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brother in spirit:
First:
If he’s smart, might throw in a little of this:
And to end things on a positive note:
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All-In [34486]
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You missed the "ever made love to a man? Want to?"
Sep 22, 2021, 1:43 PM
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Part! That's the best part! But I enjoy the gifs.
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All-In [26671]
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CU Medallion [55642]
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See. Dis what APM WANNA do. But naw, lil'APMette ain't
Sep 22, 2021, 1:56 PM
[ in reply to I think we all know what’s going to happen , being APM is a ] |
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widdit.
But seriously, I do NOT want to be too cool. Cain't look weak. Cain't be no nice, easy Dad. Naw.
I'm thinking of saying as little as possible. Standing tall. Lots of direct eye contact.
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Hall of Famer [24445]
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Agree with Celtic and others. If you do want to add a bit
Sep 22, 2021, 1:45 PM
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of intentionality to meeting him, can go full bore without affecting the rest of the evening.
We had a rule at our house, that every new boy MissTulsaJr dated had to have a conversation with dad. It was short and sweet, alone, and went like this:
"So, I understand you're attracted to our daughter."
Often this got a nervous reaction, not knowing whether to say yes or no.
"No, its fine. I understand. We like her too."
Whew! He usually laughed.
"I also want you to know that I know that at least half your attraction is physical."
"Oh, no, Mr Tulsa. She is so intelligent, and she has wonderful qualit...
"Stop it. I'm a guy. You're a guy. Look it's okay. It's the way God made us guys. It's fine."
Whew! But now he doesn't know what to say.
"So, here is the deal, because that is just the way we are, it is okay to touch her and kiss her anywhere you want ... above the neck and below the knee. I am the one saying this, but I happen to know that this is her expectation also, and she doesn't want to be maneuvered or tempted into something else. She loves me, and I love her, so I'm the one saying it here. So far so good?"
Um, yessir.
"There are two exceptions. On her birthday and at the prom you can place your hand on the small of her back to escort her into and out of a room. But that's it. Just those two. Small of her back. Clear?"
Yessir.
"Good. Now, if you continue to see my daughter, we will occasionally see each other, and I might ask you, "Are you behaving honorably toward our daughter?" When I ask you that, all I am really concerned about is above the neck and below the knee. So the answer will be yes or no on that. Clear?"
Yessir.
"Great! I thought it would be. So, you guys have a great time tonight. I hope you learn to enjoy each others company very much. And I'm very much looking forward to getting to know you better. We won't have to have the conversation again unless you want to."
The first time, Jr was like aww daaad, do we have to do this? But after that first one, she loved it. There were actually a couple of guys who wouldn't agree to the conversation, and she told me, "If they aren't man enough to do something as simple as that, why would I want to waste my time with them?"
But yes, beside that, just be you, whatever that is. Time they saw it anyway.
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Hall of Famer [21545]
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Above the neck still has options.***
Sep 22, 2021, 3:59 PM
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All-In [42655]
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Sharpen knives. Mention your time in prison. At least once
Sep 22, 2021, 1:48 PM
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just stop talking midsentence and stare at him for 30 seconds or so. Ask him about his family and when he answers take out a notebook and write everything down.
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Heisman Winner [135460]
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Joined: 12/6/98
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I bet he knows someone that would be able to send a group of
Sep 22, 2021, 2:10 PM
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motorcycle enthusiasts from Gastonia up to act as close friends of the family. If he's willing to feed, house, and pay travel expenses for them, I mean.
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All-In [40342]
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This actually happened to me
Sep 22, 2021, 4:57 PM
[ in reply to Sharpen knives. Mention your time in prison. At least once ] |
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Dude is blue collar factory type and is big (never saw the rest of him)
He’s just sharpening the knife and talking
Come to find out, he’s a giant teddy bear and we are still friends today and laugh about it
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Oculus Spirit [78823]
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boyfriend is gonna be coming alright***
Sep 22, 2021, 1:52 PM
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All-In [34486]
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Lol, pull his pants down and
Sep 22, 2021, 1:54 PM
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suck his cock. I played this prank on this guy one time and then after I was done I spread a rumor that he was gay so he killed himself and is no longer dating my daughter.
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Hall of Famer [21841]
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I retract my response
Sep 22, 2021, 1:57 PM
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earlier. I don't have any data or sources on how Grindr works. sorry dude
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Heisman Winner [137759]
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Joined: 10/22/00
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########## in front of the neighbors.
Sep 22, 2021, 1:56 PM
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Not sure what to do about the gentleman caller coming over later though.
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All-TigerNet [12553]
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Re: Real talk: lilAPMette's "boyfriend" is coming over tonight.
Sep 22, 2021, 2:00 PM
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Tell the guy, "lil APM is the apple of my eye." Follow that up with, "When she's happy I'm happy. If you make her unhappy, I'll make you unhappy." Then dry fire your handgun a few times, finish sharpening your knife and tell them to have fun, while staring the kid down.
After all that, the kid would need a gross of Viagr--A to be in the game.
Message was edited by: rons1®
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Oculus Spirit [80959]
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I guess i'm a real smartasss, because if someone did that
Sep 22, 2021, 2:02 PM
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bullchit with me I'd just look them in the eye and ask them.."what are you gonna do...shoot me?"
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All-In [34486]
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Re: I guess i'm a real smartasss, because if someone did that
Sep 22, 2021, 2:06 PM
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Oculus Spirit [80959]
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I don't have many talents in life other than the innate
Sep 22, 2021, 2:15 PM
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ability to p!ss someone off, and luckily for me, being a pretty good shot.
If someone shoots at me, they better kill me, cause I might shoot back.
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Oculus Spirit [80959]
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You should talk about your poop.
Sep 22, 2021, 2:01 PM
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Everyone is fascinated with that.
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Oculus Spirit [79110]
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Posts: 24908
Joined: 8/29/12
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#### I GOT THE ANSWER RITE CHEER
Sep 22, 2021, 2:11 PM
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Just serve him up some cauliflower wings. Should be enough to make him decide he don't want to date your daughter any more.
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All-In [47659]
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Posts: 30356
Joined: 11/15/99
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My only advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Sep 22, 2021, 2:11 PM
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What could possibly go wrong?
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All-TigerNet [12098]
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Posts: 6709
Joined: 8/3/09
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On their way out the door, give him a good hard
Sep 22, 2021, 2:21 PM
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coach’s smack on the but and say
“y’all be good,
But if you can’t be good be careful,
And if you can’t be careful, name it after me.”
Then hand him a couple of condoms and say, “seriously, y’all be careful“
Then mutter something about how you hope she took all the antibiotics from the VD she caught from the last guy she dated.
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CU Medallion [73569]
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Posts: 78044
Joined: 11/30/98
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all this talk and no one asked about pigs?***
Sep 22, 2021, 2:36 PM
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All-TigerNet [11155]
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Greeting bf at door while cleaning shotgun is a good start
Sep 22, 2021, 2:40 PM
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Need to set the tone right from the get go.
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Oculus Spirit [85074]
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Joined: 5/21/14
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I'd like to take a moment here and formally apologize
Sep 22, 2021, 2:43 PM
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to the following men:
Randy
Mr. D
Mr. N
Lee
Mr J.
Steve
Clark
Mr W.
Mr. C
Bob
Mr. Yang
etc.
etc.
etc.
And, Lee, how awkward was that, huh? I mean did you know and play it cool like it wasn't happening? Or did you not know...if you didn't, I assure you sir, nothing was happening.
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Oculus Spirit [79110]
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Joined: 8/29/12
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Re: I'd like to take a moment here and formally apologize
Sep 22, 2021, 2:53 PM
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Lot o points [155608]
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Joined: 5/6/13
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What if she starts playing Papa Don’t Preach***
Sep 22, 2021, 4:17 PM
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Replies: 49
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50
