Re: Opportunity for Clemson Grads - "Big Mike Haskett"
Jul 12, 2019, 2:23 PM
Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this #### poor attempt
Re: Opportunity for Clemson Grads - "Big Mike Haskett"
Jul 12, 2019, 2:26 PM
THIS IS A COPYPASTED JOKE....NOT MEANT TO BE ANYTHING BUT JEST....with that out of the way....
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You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.
And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh.
You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatslapper. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.
This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it.
Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.
You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame.
You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet.
I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
Re: Opportunity for Clemson Grads - "Big Mike Haskett"
Jul 12, 2019, 2:28 PM
My IQ is extremely, almost embarrassingly, high. I've never actually taken an IQ test, mind you, but my educated guess is that, if I did, my score would be whatever is the highest possible. No doubt your IQ is lower than mine, but please don't feel stupid or insecure about this, it's not your fault. You're probably just born that way. And you know what? Thank your lucky stars and subpar genetic makeup that you don't have to bear the burden of brilliance like I have to. Being incredibly intelligent is a curse. This is not just one of the many astute observations I have every day, by the way, it is a fact recently confirmed by science.
I am a member of a secret society for gifted intellectuals. (Sorry, invite only and I am unable to discuss any details). As a part of the admissions process, members take an IQ test. After being grilled on my philosophical stances for over three hours by a team of 12 executive intellectuals (and being free of inconsistencies and absent of any logical fallacies) they proceeded to hand me the IQ test pamphlet. I smiled, holding it for a moment, before giving it back. "Why are you giving up now?, you are the most promising candidate we have ever seen."
"That is precisely the problem, you see. IQ tests are not capable of measuring intelligences beyond the limits of current humans the test has encountered so far. To try to capture my abilities in a mere IQ score is a foolish effort."
I slid the papers back on their desks and a silence fell over the group. One by one, they stood up and began clapping.
Later that evening, their Chief Intelligence Officer stepped down from the organization's highest post. He said "please, we need you to lead our Society from now on." I humbly accepted this honor and have lead this organization ever since.
Re: Opportunity for Clemson Grads - "Big Mike Haskett"
Jul 12, 2019, 2:29 PM
THIS IS A COPYPASTED JOKE....NOT MEANT TO BE ANYTHING BUT JEST....with that out of the way....
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I will never forget you. Your interaction with me is now burned into my psyche. As I recalled our horrid interaction, my whole body shook in disgust and I broke into a permanent frenzy of anger and confusion--i feel retarded. What you told me was undisputedly the dumbest combination of words uttered in the entire world. I just jumped out my apartment window and killed myself.
This is what you must do. Get up, walk into the middle of the nearest forest and lay down and reflect on what you did. Never utter a syllable out of that cancerous hole in your face again, and allow yourself to decompose to aid the surrounding flora in replacing the oxygen your stupid ####### skull wastes on a daily basis. You almost singlehandedly destroyed mankind by being conscious.
I'm ####### disgusted at the fact that you exist on the same planet as me, and what is worse is that you share similar dna to me. The fact that our DNA is connected, even marginally, is a ####### abomination and I am going to spiral into a depression very quickly because of this realization. The realization that we both fall under the term "human" and I have to be grouped in with your pathetic existence is disgraceful. I am very traumatized by you. Your body language is ####### atrocious and it bothers me to no end. It's so pathetic, the way you mope around. You mope around with your shoulders hunched over, lethargically dragging your feet on the floor. You have a thin, fragile frame. You walk around reacting to everything that happens to you. #### you. There are horrible, inexcusable things that I would happily do to never interact with you again, even if it was for a brief moment. I will explain what these things are in a list format, because that's the only way your 7-year old brain stuck in a man's body will understand it. I would rather...
Withdraw all my money in cash from my multiple bank accounts, get it all together and poop on it.
Give myself big papercuts in all the crevices of my fingers and proceed to dip my hands in salt water.
Stub my big toe over 50 times in one day.
Be told by someone in authority that I will never amount to anything in my life, ever.
Be a literal cuckold.
Get bitch-slapped by a man with rough hands once a day, for every day of my life going forward.
Undergo dramatic negative changes in my lifestyle that would damage my mind and body beyond repair.
Undergo a whole host of different forms of mental and physical humiliation; as in being spat on and told I am worthless.
Be forced to drink non-alcoholic macro-produced beer from the can, while every person around me drinks Trappist beers from exotic chalices for 10 hours straight - for the rest of my life.
Have a procedure done to reduce my IQ so that my new IQ falls within the range of down syndrome.
...than engage in the briefest of interactions with you.
I need you to know that this list is not comprehensive, and that there are many, many more atrocious situations I would prefer to you even coming across my vision.
Instead of continuing to talk about more situations that I would prefer to be in than merely glancing at you, I am going to revert back to what I was talking about before - insulting your character. The reason being that I don't feel like you have fully comprehended the extent of my negative opinion of you - and why I think this way.
I know I insulted your body language already, but I hate how you look. Its terrible and a tragedy worth crying over. Your clothes don't look nice - I am very angry about it. It looks like you wore them to seem interesting but it doesn't make sense to me because you aren't an interesting person. You should have thought about this before you dressed yourself. You are an ogre. Do not leave your house on a whim - every time you go out, you should think about how you're going to present yourself to the world for a very, very long time. You should be rigorously micromanaging yourself all the time to appear normal because you are anything but. You have a long and difficult road ahead to become even within the realm of normal, let alone a contributing member to society.
I have no sympathy for you. I feel bad for myself for being forced to interact with you. Its ######## that you are conscious and had to be in my vision. I will never recover from this - you have singlehandedly jaded my view of the world and made me very hopeless and cynical.
Your character is flawed in a myriad of ways, its an impressive feat that someone could be so grossly incompetent in all areas of human socialization. My disgust for this shows no boundaries; I have been violently puking in 20 minute intervals for days now due to your worthlessness. You're character is so devoid of any charisma that the only thing to do to would be to force you to change via bullying.
50
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