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Grave Visiting Question
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Grave Visiting Question


Apr 19, 2021, 11:34 AM

is it even called that?

I havent seen my parents' gravestone or been back in nearly 3 years. Is it weird to want to make the trip to see it/them and get around town a little?

I feel like its kind of weird, but I also feel like everyone does this too.

What says the jounge?

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Dad died in July, I went to see the headstone when it was


Apr 19, 2021, 11:38 AM

delivered to make sure it is right. I will visit again when Mom gets buried. Otherwise, I really don't want to go visit. I live 20 minutes away from the cemetery. I have no problem with people going to do that, especially over time, if it helps them. My grandparents RELIGIOUSLY cleaned up around my uncle's grave for years. Every time we visited, we would walk the mile to the cemetery, pick up trash, weed-eat, etc and make sure it looked nice.

This is why I want cremating, spread me somewhere and do not come visit it again. Remember the good stuff, not the place where I am laid to rest.

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Not weird at all


Apr 19, 2021, 11:38 AM

my cousin visits his folk's grave anytime he wants to think through something important.

My dad is scattered all over a mountain but I periodically think about going up there to talk with him.

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“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”
Isaac Asimov


Weird - but widely held belief that it is something you do


Apr 19, 2021, 11:39 AM

and is usual & customary.


My Inlaws make an hour trip each way to "see" their parents on the regular . . . I don't really understand that . . . . to each their own.

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Brad Brownell: Only Larry freaking Shyatt has a WORSE overall winning percentage among Clemson basketball coaches since 1975. Let that sink in. It's Larry Shyatt & then Brad Brownell.


I haven't been to see my dad's grave in 5 years or better


Apr 19, 2021, 11:42 AM

And its <5 miles away. What's the point? Not seeing his grave doesn't make me think about him less.

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So, here's a story.


Apr 19, 2021, 11:39 AM

We moved south when I was a very young lad. Went back to our parent's hometown once a year - usually for a week to visit. Parent's took the better part of a day going around to gravesites and paying respects and then visiting older relatives who talked about sickness and death, etc. Hated every minute of it, but I was a kid.

My father passed while I was in school, 1975, so a long time ago. I have been to his grave twice I think, maybe three times. Makes me sad and that is about it. I would rather remember him as my dad, not something in the ground and dead, if that makes sense.

TL/DR = Some people find comfort in it, I do not.

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I think I wrote the same thing as you, you just said alot


Apr 19, 2021, 11:41 AM

less stupid.

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Yea, I wrote mine before there were any posts


Apr 19, 2021, 11:42 AM

then I post and go, oh well.

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Your eloquence takes time, my gibberish is quicker to post


Apr 19, 2021, 11:43 AM

and sometimes gets the point across.

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All great answers


Apr 19, 2021, 11:50 AM [ in reply to So, here's a story. ]

For me, I think its more about seeing it and then leaving and going around and see my dads buds and going out to the lake to see the old place and stuff. I think its more nostalgic, than like a healing thing for me. If that makes sense.

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One addendum. Last time I went, which was after divorce


Apr 19, 2021, 11:55 AM

pre 2nd marriage, so I was in the dumps anyway, I picked up a nice rock. This was over 32 years ago. Rock sits in a desktop organizer that was my dad's along with a lot of other stuff and I do pick up said rock every now and then.

Weird, but that is something I do treasure for some reason. When I die, someone will be cleaning up my crap, find a rock and will think I was insane. LOL.

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What's really weird - I'm looking forward to this fall when


Apr 19, 2021, 11:51 AM [ in reply to So, here's a story. ]

I'll be back in the seat in DV next to where my dad sat for years.

The one rule for anyone going with me is they can't make fun of me talking to my dad during the game.

Usually is sounds like I'm talking to them but sometimes it does get weird.

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“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”
Isaac Asimov


Last time I went to my Grandparent's seats in DV


Apr 19, 2021, 12:46 PM

(South, UI, Row E, Seats 10, 12, 14, and 16), I shed a few tears. I tried to hide it from my wife and kids, but the bourbon mixed with emotions made it come. I still cannot go over there without shedding a tear. I could go to their grave tomorrow and be pretty fine, but dang them seats get to me.

We sat there together from around 1985 to about 2014. Grandfather had died, but I would bring my grandmother when she felt OK.

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There are no rules for dealing with death.


Apr 19, 2021, 11:40 AM

It's all a personal choice. Do what you think you should. Or don't.

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I went the morning after, haven't been since.


Apr 19, 2021, 11:41 AM

Waiting for marker to be placed. Could be another couple months.

Also he passed a month ago yesterday, what a blur of a month.

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Mother’s & Father’s Day. Think about them everyday. *****


Apr 19, 2021, 11:48 AM



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.


I always go by when I'm nearby


Apr 19, 2021, 11:55 AM

and spend a quiet moment there, but it's 200 miles away. I don't make special trips on special days or anything. And I don't put flowers out that will just topple over or blow away or fade and look like crap. If I lived a few miles away it would probably be different.

I do send the cemetery foundation money to help with maintenance, mow grass, etc.

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Pretty common


Apr 19, 2021, 12:02 PM

The few times I have been in the area of my grandmother and grandfathers grave, I have visited, even if it was on my own.

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Please forgive me, @IneligibleUser


It is fine to need to and fine to not want to as well.***


Apr 19, 2021, 12:03 PM



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mines at Arlington so i head up at least once a yr


Apr 19, 2021, 12:07 PM

and go to the tomb of unknown soldier. Plus there's DC to tool around in.

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Used to go to my grandparents graves as a kid


Apr 19, 2021, 12:15 PM

But it was rare. Like maybe 3-4 times.

Dad passed away last July and I've been back once, mainly to check on it and make sure there were flowers (mom's request).

Been to all great grandparents graves because genealogy.

Of course I've also visited this grave once, at church as a kid. Evidently they've stopped people from going into the crawl space.

http://esotericcolumbia.blogspot.com/2018/10/she-lies-beneath-washington-street.html


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Re: Grave Visiting Question


Apr 19, 2021, 12:20 PM

ms midland lost her parents about 5-6 years ago. They are both buried at the Fort Jackson National Cemetery. She has not been back since their burial. She says she has no interest because they are not there. They are in heaven together.

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Re: Grave Visiting Question


Apr 19, 2021, 12:41 PM

I spent Saturday night camped next to an old graveyard way down in the Pee Dee swamp. It had a number of Confederate soldiers buried there. One was a general I had never heard of. It was very quiet once the coyotes and whippoorwills shut down. It was on some high ground and fairly mosquito free. Sunday night I spent on a bluff above the river and about twenty gobblers woke me up at daylight. Hope this helps.

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Related sincere question for the non-visitors


Apr 19, 2021, 12:41 PM

why spend all that money on a plot, stone, etc if you're not going to visit from time to time?

No snark intended just curious.

It's why my dad wanted to be scattered.

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“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”
Isaac Asimov


Ol traditionalists. Probably in most cases what the deceased...


Apr 19, 2021, 12:53 PM

already wanted. I don't want any part of it.

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My mother did it.


Apr 19, 2021, 12:55 PM [ in reply to Related sincere question for the non-visitors ]

No telling how much was spent on my dad's funeral. All my mother kept saying was "your dad would have liked this"

I said that dad was a cheapass, and would have rather been buried in a pine box out back.

That didn't go over well. But it was the truth.

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Dad wanted it. Family tradition. He is beside his Mom, Dad


Apr 19, 2021, 12:56 PM [ in reply to Related sincere question for the non-visitors ]

bother, and sisters. Mom wants to be cremated, but part of her ashes buried next to Dad.

He bought the plot YEARS ago. Those headstones are pricey though, and the casket and vault. I just need a folgers can and some duct tape.



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I want that, too.


Apr 19, 2021, 12:56 PM [ in reply to Related sincere question for the non-visitors ]

And think that's a valid point.

I actually don't like the idea of me being in the ground in such a depressing place. I want my ashes scattered in special places and be done with it.

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I want a fuggin shrine. Like a gold statue of myself behind


Apr 19, 2021, 1:32 PM

the wheel of a boat. People can come pour out a light beer in my honor, or smoke a joint, whatever. Maybe have it over looking the lake somewhere, I'll be like the redneck version of the Waving Girl in Savannah.

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Re: Related sincere question for the non-visitors


Apr 19, 2021, 2:36 PM [ in reply to Related sincere question for the non-visitors ]

Well Uncle Sam paid for most of it and the rest was paid by my in-laws before they passed.
I get your point though.

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My grandmother spends time each month getting flowers


Apr 19, 2021, 12:58 PM

and stuff for the grave stones of her family. But the family cemetery is right across the road from her house.

My sister in law goes to her husband's grave stone regularly. But that is still fresh for her.

I haven't been to anybody's grave since the funeral. I'm like the rest of yall here. I want to remember them when they were alive. Not looking at dirt and being sad.

When I die, I want the cheapest funeral possible. I don't want a lot of fuss. Bury me or burn me I don't care.

The funeral business is a racket anyways

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I like your funny words magic man


I go when I'm in the area, maybe a few times a month***


Apr 19, 2021, 1:28 PM



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My Grandfather is at Arlington and my other Grandmother is


Apr 19, 2021, 1:34 PM

buried at the Old Stone Church (in Pendleton).

I've been to both of those a few times, and they are both kind of neat places to visit. But in general, I don't see much point in visiting graves.

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The cartoon "Family Circus" used to show the family


Apr 19, 2021, 1:44 PM

visiting grandparents grave sites. It would show the grandparents in Heaven, excited about the visit and showing off their grandkids to their friends in Heaven.

I used to think that was stupid...and then my Mother died. And now I do it - I visit her grave and imagine that's the best place for her to hear me.

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