Re: Asking Tiger Nation for sincere prayers once again. I posted

awhile back that my 96 year old mother in law is in the early stages of dementia / Alzheimers. She has advanced to the point now where she is combative, and physically lashing out at her son, who is her live-in primary caregiver. As you might imagine, having his mother in this state is taking a huge physical and mental toll on him as well.

Let me first say that my wife visits her daily, for most of the day, and we know beyond any shadow of a doubt that she is imagining all the perceived problems with her son. It is just this infernal disease talking and acting.

We are caught in that unenviable position of not being financially able to put her into a nursing home, even if she would agree to go. Home Health nursing comes by once a week, to at least monitor her physical well being.

Our only short term option is for my wife to move in for some period of time, to give my brother in law some time away, if he will take it. But, then, we risk her mother transferring all the irrational hate to her. There is no good answer for this situation. God will take ma in His Own Time. Until then, we need all the prayers that anyone is willing to lift up for us.

This disease is so much worse than any physical ailment. When your mind goes, and you truly lose who you have been your whole life, it is a terrible thing to even witness from the outside, and much worse than that when it is a loved one.

Thank you to all who took the time to read this message. May God Bless you and your family, and never visit this on you.

Tigergirlga

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Oct 22, 2021, 6:23 AM

I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my mom to dementia three years ago. The first thing that I learned is that dementia is a fatal disease. People that are stricken usually last around 10 years. I read that you stated your mother in law is 96 with early stages of dementia/Alzheimer’s. A couple of things. I am sorry to say this but, she is going to get worse. She will try to hurt her care givers. Your wife is going to have to step in and help her brother. He is not going to be able to handle this on his own. My brother lived with my mother which allowed us to keep her at home as long as we did. My mother adored my brother. He was her favorite child. At the end my mom was trying to break my brother’s bones. I had to take time off from teaching to help my brother. So yes, your wife is going to have to get involved for her mother’s safety and her brother’s sanity.

Your mother in law is going to get to the point where she cannot be safely kept at home. You said that she fell so it appears that she is mobile. If she can walk, she will try to get out of the house. Work on door locks/alarms immediately. Control all vehicle keys, knifes, firearms, and whatever else can be used to hurt someone. You stated that Home Health is involved. Ask them whatever resources are available because you are going to need help. You need a case manager, advocate working with you.

Your mother in law has made it to 96 and could be here for awhile. You have got to come up with a plan B for care outside the home. Try to get her qualified for Medicaid. If she qualifies, she will eventually be eligible for a Medicaid bed in a nursing home. If she does not qualify, her assets are going to come into play. You need a lawyer that specializes in this stuff. The house has to be out of her name for five years. I know that she is 96 but, she could survive that long. We went ahead and moved the house out of mama’s name and made it 3.5 years. We eventually had to place her in assisted living. She made it less than two months there before she passed. We had to pay for it out of pocket.

I am praying for all of you. I hate dementia/Alzheimer’s. Both are such terrible diseases.

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Asking Tiger Nation for sincere prayers once again. I posted