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Lot o points [155706]
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Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 17, 2022, 8:10 PM
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Moving my son in on Friday to UT, and it might be one of the most bittersweet moments I'll have encountered in my 47 years.
My wife and daughter are already taking it hard, but we've had a great summer and gotten to spend a ton of time together building up to it, so it's not like it just hit us and we have a bunch of "I shoulda done X" ragrats. He's my bud though, and he adds a ton to the household, and his absence is gonna be noticeable, even as I'm supper happy and excited for him taking the next step in his life.
So I know we have a bunch of you who've been through this......no pep talks needed, I promise---I know very well why this is a good thing and how it means we've done our job and how it's supposed to be this way, I really get it---I just wanna know, how long did you find yourself missing them being in that stage to getting used to the new status quo? Just trying to figure out how much bourbon I'll need to buy to push through.
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Orange Blooded [3512]
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Re: Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 17, 2022, 8:35 PM
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Dropped off my oldest in 2015…my youngest (of 3) on Monday. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it. House is quiet…too quiet.
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Lot o points [155706]
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good luck, I get it***
Aug 17, 2022, 8:38 PM
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Legend [17248]
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Just a TU buddy. Enjoy each step of life’s journey
Aug 17, 2022, 8:38 PM
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One bottle and move on …
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Heisman Winner [135678]
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Have you thought about getting a puppy?
Aug 17, 2022, 8:41 PM
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I’ll send you tomorrow’s Ts & Ps, I’ve already promised today’s to APM.
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Lot o points [180901]
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Hit this bubbler?***
Aug 17, 2022, 8:42 PM
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CU Medallion [55664]
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The quiet will be weird. You’ll miss his physical presence.
Aug 17, 2022, 8:47 PM
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The first Thanksgiving when he comes home will be awesome. Visit on family weekend.
You’ll be ahhite.
2 1/5s of your fave.
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Oculus Spirit [85166]
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I'm not an older parent, ptL
Aug 17, 2022, 9:29 PM
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But last night I encountered an older gentleman named Jerry. It was about 9:15 pm, pitch black dark, and Jerry's voice calls out......"I don't want to you to think I'm shooting at you if you hear me shoot! I'm waiting on an armadillo to come along."
Jerry told me he had killed 4 armadillos this year just sitting out in the yard in the dark waiting on one to come out.
So if you have the patience to hunt and kill 4 armadillos in the dark, I think that's how long it will take.
Good luck, Obed.
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Lot o points [155706]
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This would make a good Primus song.***
Aug 18, 2022, 8:19 AM
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Oculus Spirit [85166]
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No, no, no, no, no
Aug 18, 2022, 8:28 AM
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My NEIGHBOR is the race care driver and his name is Jonathan. I don't know what Jerry did for a living (retired now), but I'm pretty sure he didn't drive a racecar.
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Oculus Spirit [85166]
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I feel like I misspell a word in every poast
Aug 18, 2022, 8:28 AM
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*race car
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All-In [36448]
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My parents dropped me off at UNC chapel hill
Aug 17, 2022, 9:38 PM
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It was a touching moment. Craig south dorm.
Then I ###### it all up and decided to just go watch Panic.
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Orange Blooded [2419]
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Re: Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 17, 2022, 10:12 PM
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Whatever you do don’t look back as you drive away. You both will be fine.
One more piece of advice. Make it Eagles Rare or Jameson just to be sure. Enjoy the ride proud parents. Cheers!
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All-In [42745]
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For us, the 'how long' was brief. A couple of days, then
Aug 17, 2022, 11:04 PM
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life takes over and you still miss him, but it's mostly back to normal. Makes you really appreciate it when you see him next though.
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Orange Blooded [2123]
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All these feels…
Aug 18, 2022, 7:47 PM
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I have them.
Will add that I got used to having him home this summer after his Frosh year. Took a big family vacay for the first time in a few years and spent a lot of time with my boy.
Was a little tough moving him back to Tigertown last Saturday. Somehow got a little ### confetti in my eyes during the move.
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All-In [42745]
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Son-of Ken didn't spend the summer at home - took a summer
Aug 18, 2022, 8:58 PM
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job in Ohio. He left in May and got back last night. Enjoyed himself.
We got a few days vacay in before he went though, but he's off again to move back to tigertown this weekend.
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All-TigerNet [11145]
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Same boat, same day.
Aug 18, 2022, 1:29 AM
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Will be moving him to your neck of the woods at Vandy. Not entirely the same, he’s been at boarding school for the past 3 years, we’re used to him being gone, but we’ve enjoyed the heck out of having him here this summer. With him here, there is never not music in the house. I think I’ve described him before here as what you get if you squeezed Yo Yo Ma and Eddie Van Halen into one person…that still stands. Incredible being able to play music with him these last few months, doubt I will get that chance many more times. When he’s gone …the quiet hurts and makes me miss him.
In short, I don’t have any advice for you Obed, I wish I did. I don’t drink a lot these days, but my house whiskies are Lagavulin and Old Forester, I suspect those bottles might get a little lower in the coming weeks. Slàinte Mhaith friend.
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Lot o points [155706]
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McCallie?
Aug 18, 2022, 5:41 PM
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If you ever need a local hand to help with any emergencies, lemme know. I own a Vandy cap, so I can move about campus freely.
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All-TigerNet [11145]
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Re: McCallie?
Aug 18, 2022, 6:45 PM
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Nah, he got into AL School of Math and Science at 15, and jumped on it.
We've got a cousin and a fraternity brother up there for emergency net purposes, but another friendly face is always welcome. I appreciate it.
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All-In [47701]
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Samezies here...Kiddo moving into Winthrop Friday.
Aug 18, 2022, 6:05 AM
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Ms. Wilbur will take it hard, being that she is the baby and we'll officially be empty nesters. Hope to get through the weekend...
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Heisman Winner [135504]
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Reach out and let me know if I can provide any helpful info
Aug 18, 2022, 8:18 AM
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on where to score a nickel bag near campus!
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Heisman Winner [105478]
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I'll reach out for him. Tmale me the details. Imma need
Aug 18, 2022, 8:21 AM
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some d-rugs.
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Heisman Winner [135504]
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Persona non grata on California Street these days?
Aug 18, 2022, 8:27 AM
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Seems like you'd just head down to the Valley. It's closer than coming all the way into Metropolis.
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Lot o points [155706]
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All-In [47701]
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not lot. they are 8 years apart.
Aug 18, 2022, 9:52 AM
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Both are very independent as well.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Well this is thoroughly depressing.
Aug 18, 2022, 6:26 AM
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I can feel this down in my bones, dude.
I've got no advice for you.
Maybe a better question would be, as daddy to a 10yr girl and an 11yr boy, what advice would you have for me?
Boy started middle school this week, and seems to have just rolled right into it. Daughter is "queen of the school" as a 5th grader... so she's doing good. Time just seems to be slipping right on by.
Wife and I layed in bed last night and watched a bunch of old videos of the kids doing funny stuff when they were in the 2-5 year old range... we have some real "classic" videos.... the boy singing all the songs to Frozen back when he had a lisp, my daughter saying "I need me a little sip (of my beer)" when she was about 2yrs old, daughter telling us about grandma's fake teeth (when grandma got braces) and her teacher with the "bwoken weg", hearing the story of Zacchaeus from the Bible, and how Jesus spanked Zaccheaus when he got him down from the tree. We filmed EVERYTHING when they were that little.
My wife will be a trainwreck when they go to college. She can't shutup about the boy getting armpit hair and starting middle school.
I think the quote from Nard-Dog sums it up best:
"I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them."
- Andy Bernard
- Michael Scott
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Lot o points [155706]
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I know you're a good Dad, so my advice isn't probably
Aug 18, 2022, 7:36 AM
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anything you aren't already doing, but with the benefit of hindsight at this stage, couple things......
There's nothing I can think of that's happened in my two kids' lifetimes that I can think back and say "You know, I'm really glad I did X instead of spending time with them." You are in peak "Dad's cool" years right now with a 10 and 11 year old, and undoubtedly they're asking a lot of your time---just do it, there's no better investment of yourself that you can make. There's not a Saturday football game in the world that you'll remember watching more than you remember throwing the ball in the yard with them.
Once they get to driving age, you'll see it flip, where you're wanting more of their time than they're wanting of yours. I've observed in my friends and acquaintances a dynamic where the more enjoyable time they spent with their kids in the early years, the more time the kids will enjoy with you in their newly-forming-independence years. Harry Chapin dropped a lotta truth in "Cat's in the Cradle".
One other thing that I didn't really figure out and start applying until recent years......There are things we teach and tell our kids to do because they're life lessons that will serve them well later, and there are things we tell our kids to do simply because sometimes it's easier for us. Both are ok, but once it hit me how limited my time with them was, I started applying the "Will I miss this one day?" litmus test to things before I told them to stop something. Just an example.....my daughter loves to bake---cookies, brownies, cakes, whatever. She's good at it but she can make a holy mess while doing it that requires some prodding for her to clean up well. I got tired of the prodding part and started just telling her "no" when she asked if she could make something. After a couple times of that, I had the thought pop into my head about how, in just a couple years, it's going to be absolutely boring coming into a clean kitchen every day without her making stuff in it, and I realized I could live with having to nag a little about cleaning. It's minor stuff like that, but it's memories you don't get a chance to re-make.
Enjoy em, brother. Every old fart warned me how fast the time passed when my kid was younger, just like I'm warning you now, and dammed if they weren't right.
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Heisman Winner [105478]
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F*ck man, yall are depressing the SH*T out of me this
Aug 18, 2022, 7:39 AM
[ in reply to Well this is thoroughly depressing. ] |
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morning.
But I had one kid refuse to get out of bed today for school and if you told me they could go on to college now and we only see them on the weekends, we might be tempted to take you up on that offer...but I know we would miss them, eventually.
Nine year olds can be defiant as fuck
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Defiant, oh you bet.
Aug 18, 2022, 8:24 AM
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Lying straight to my face - yep that too.
Yesterday I get home. Wife was home most of the day, and the kids were just home from school by a few hours.
I go into the hall bathroom to take a shizzz and the toilet is piled 1 mile high full of stinky green doo doo.
I go out into the hall and demand that all members of the household report to the bathroom ASAP. Everybody shows up and I force them into the small, and putrid bathroom.
"Who forgot to flush?"
"not me"
"not me"
"not me"
"Well it dammn sure wasn't me, so somebody is lying. When was the last time each person took a dump in here?"
Wife - "last night"
Son - "this morning"
Daughter - "when I got home from school, but I FLUSHED IT!!!!"
***as an aside, daughter regularly forgets to flush and always lies about it... you can tell from my son and wife's face that they are as bewildered about it as I am.***
Me - "Daughter, I know it was you, you always lie about this. Just go flush it and admit you did it."
Then we go back and forth about it, she starts crying, etc. Finally she stares at me flatly and says "fine, I did it" and throws her arms up in the air.
For God's sake, it's gross, but I don't really care as long as somebody owns up to it and fixes it... but that's the bathroom with the bidet I like, and it smelled to dang bad to crap in there, so I had to go to the master bath (sans bidet) and take a dump and wipe like a freaking caveman.
Dude, this dump was so freaking huge, lulz.
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Heisman Winner [105478]
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This exchange happens DAILY in my house too
Aug 18, 2022, 9:02 AM
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except the toilet is usually clogged and nobody told me so when I go to flush it, it almost overflows, then I have to find the plunger left in one of the other bathrooms from the last clogging the kids did and I fucking hate it. Wife thinks I should just let it roll off but OH HELL NO, THEY AINT WINNING THIS GAME.
1 Poo
2 Flush toilet if you must
3 Wipe
4 Flush again (or first time if you are normal)
5 Wash hands
6 Leave Bathroom
My boys usually either only do step 1 with a potential for step 3.
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Lot o points [163010]
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So many emotions from that day. We left ours
Aug 18, 2022, 7:24 AM
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and had a four hour drive back home, did not talk to each other for 2 hours, we just could not speak. A few days of sadness and life moves one quickly. Youngest at the time hated he was now the focus of both of us, lol.
It is time for your son to learn how to deal with independence and make decisions - gonna be hard for him also, so just be supportive. Times have changed so much even in the 14 years since we dropped off our oldest - there was no FaceTime for instance.
I will say, both our kids still stay in touch and ask advice years after college and married. We know much more about their trials, tribulations and successes than our parents ever did. It feels good to be so much a part of their lives - not a day goes by where one of us is not talking to one of our sons. I used to feel good calling my mom once a week.
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Lot o points [155706]
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I hope the last part is true for us as well.
Aug 18, 2022, 8:18 AM
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We have a great relationship and throughout high school he's told me stuff that I would have needed to be waterboarded to tell my parents.
Part of what's making it hard is that he's already really independent and I suspect the adjustment will be easy for him. In the grand scheme of things, it's fantastic, but in the short term, selfish world, I sort of wish I hadn't made myself quite so obsolete. LOL
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Heisman Winner [105478]
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My oldest niece moves into Clemson on Friday and I am
Aug 18, 2022, 7:42 AM
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wondering how my brother and sister-in-law are going to take it, not to mention her little sister and brother. Your post made me text them, but they are weird as hell and I may not get a response at all.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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So I can better understand their pain, please send pics of
Aug 18, 2022, 8:26 AM
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this niece.
That goes double if she's on your wife's side of the family.
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Heisman Winner [105478]
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My side of the family
Aug 18, 2022, 9:03 AM
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Sorry
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All-In [25721]
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Re: Rent/buy a condo in Knoxville, show up every weekend
Aug 18, 2022, 7:56 AM
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Kinda like the ones next to the Esso. Even when he gets tired of you constantly hanging around you have a place to get sh*tfaced.
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Lot o points [155706]
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We have some acquaintances who did just that and will
Aug 18, 2022, 8:09 AM
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do just that. She also pulled some strings to get him in the "best" dorm on campus and made some calls to get him to hang out with some guys in the "best" fraternity on campus before rush started.
She's gonna be wiping his butt when he's 35....hover parent doesn't begin to describe it. They serve to make me feel better about pulling off this band-aid quickly.
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Heisman Winner [135504]
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Man, that was hard to do.
Aug 18, 2022, 8:07 AM
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It was probably easier for me than it will be for you because our entire family was always headed to Clemson on the regular. I made more basketball and baseball games during Joonyer's tenure there. After his first year, we became property owners in Clemson so it became even a little more frequent. That's also the stretch where Mrs. was teaching evening classes at Winthrop and I played golf every day during the week after work. Had a nice circle of pals at the golf course and my circle of musician pals so I could find a jam session happening just about any weekend. You'll find meaningful things to do. It won't replace spending time with the kid, but it'll make things a lot easier.
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Lot o points [155706]
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Good stuff, thanks. I suspect my daughter will get
Aug 18, 2022, 8:10 AM
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wayyyy more parental attention than she ever wanted for the next 2 years.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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I was just thinking about how I was pretty good about talkin
Aug 18, 2022, 8:29 AM
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to my parents while I was at Clemson... every day or so, I bet.
Then the thought popped into my head that my dad went to USC and lived at home so he could work on my granddad's farm in-between classes, lulz. How was that for a college experience??? That must have sucked bawlz. But that's the type of old-school work-ethic that virtually doesn't exist anymore. He's still at the same job he started 48 years ago, and is "as busy as he ever was" according to him.
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All-In [43608]
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Hey, I hate to spoil the sappy vibe ITT but man you gotta
Aug 18, 2022, 9:37 AM
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take this time to dig deep and ALPHA your way out of this.
You should be rejoicing with a little help from MaObed.
Think about it this way: That little MF has cawkblocked you HOW MANY TIMES over the past 18 yrsish? Huh, HOW. MANY?
I'd turn that place into a noodist colony full of bucknekkidness for you and the Mrs. Hump it out like rabbits. A few times errry day.
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All-In [32593]
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^ ^ ^ ^ THIS. The only crying should be from her for
Aug 18, 2022, 9:56 AM
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her screaming red bareback and other tingly bits.
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Oculus Spirit [93613]
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Tend to your wife.
Aug 18, 2022, 9:58 AM
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You look in the mirror and see man but when she looks in the mirror she sees her youth and glory days slipping away. She is reminded daily of her diminishing beauty and the event she and you are enduring is much harder on her than you.
I know you're a good man and therefor this advise is not needed.
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Hall of Famer [20569]
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Mine will be starting his Sophmore year
Aug 18, 2022, 10:01 AM
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And I still miss him not being around every day. But there are other things to look forward to. We just moved him into Epoch. He has 5 room mates, and really likes them all. The excitement he is showing now is priceless. Enjoyed last weekend, and didn't want to leave. And not only because of the hotties living right across from him.
I'm thrilled for him, and his happiness carries over to wife and I.
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Heisman Winner [135504]
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I just had to look up Epoch.
Aug 18, 2022, 10:47 AM
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What kind of mortgage did you get on one of those units? I'm guessing roughly 3 times the cost of a tuition year per month? The amenities made ME want to move there.
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Oculus Spirit [80999]
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pffft. No outside firplaces or outdoor cooking area.
Aug 18, 2022, 11:40 AM
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short baseboards, no built in Sub zero refrigerator, carpet (no polished marble), Ceiling fans aren't Perigold.
How can a college kid be expected to live in such squalor?
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Hall of Famer [20569]
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I called dibs on his closet to crash
Aug 18, 2022, 1:15 PM
[ in reply to I just had to look up Epoch. ] |
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when I move in (I mean, visit). They are in one of the 2700 SF houses. They have a bonus room on the 3rd floor that can easily host 2 pool tables.
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Oculus Spirit [80999]
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Wait..the pool tables aren't included?
Aug 18, 2022, 1:17 PM
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Why are you torturing your son?
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Hall of Famer [20569]
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Don't want to raise a spoiled brat like
Aug 18, 2022, 1:21 PM
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FBCoachSC®
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CU Medallion [65037]
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Joined: 12/3/03
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Just remind him that he is now the family representative at
Aug 18, 2022, 11:24 AM
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Tennessee, tell him to have a great time at college, but don't do anything that will embarrass his parents too bad. (I know, that IS kind of an oxymaroon, since he is attending TENNESSEE!)
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All-TigerNet [12573]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 12/24/15
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Re: Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 18, 2022, 1:51 PM
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This brings back some memories. Our 3 kids were birthed in 3 1/2 years. When we dropped off #1, the missus and the girls were bawling all the way home from Clemson to Greenville.
I had a big ### lump in my throat and I could tell our son had the same. Of course, he and I did a good hug, didn’t look at each other to keep from losing it and the fam minus the son drove off.
All adjusted remarkably quick.
The toughest was dropping off the youngest just a few years later.
However, that too passed quickly and my wife and I became even closer and have remained that way.
It IS very bittersweet despite this move being exactly what is the best.
BTW, the kids have remained close with us.
You’ll get through it but for a few days there will be a hole in your heart.
Just remind your son, nothing sucks like a Big Orange and that Rocky Too is a primitive Appalachian form of mind control.
Good luck!!!
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All-TigerNet [12573]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 6303
Joined: 12/24/15
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Re: Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 18, 2022, 1:53 PM
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110%er [6972]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 9/2/21
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I have no advice to give you, but wanted to say that your
Aug 18, 2022, 3:57 PM
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post and all the replies have made me very melancholy. My son is about to be two. We are already shocked at how quickly the time goes.
God bless you and your son.
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Lot o points [155706]
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Joined: 5/6/13
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Thanks friend, appreciate it!***
Aug 18, 2022, 4:51 PM
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110%er [9708]
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Joined: 9/16/15
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Our son joined the air force 3 years ago at 19
Aug 18, 2022, 6:48 PM
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it was weird at first but for whatever reason it didn't take long to become the new norm. It may have been because he got married right before entering and we already have a 1 yr old granddaughter tho. So he's started his family too. Won't really know until one of my daughters heads off, if they do. Everyone one of our kids hates school.
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All-In [28286]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 14044
Joined: 6/27/14
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Re: Any of youse older parents wanna pass me some advice?
Aug 18, 2022, 7:13 PM
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it sucks man - the quiet is deafening.
you learn to deal and look forward to holidays.
oldest now in boston for 3 to 5 yrs knowing i may get to boston twice a year. meeting her for bc game which is cool. other 2 moved back to school sunday.
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