The only heroic thing I've probably ever done

May 12, 2021, 8:13 AM

Thought of this from fluffhead's parking thread yesterday.

Years ago, I was driving from Spartanburg to Myrtle Beach--two redneck trash cities--in my wife's car. I can't remember why I used her vehicle instead of mine, but she had this little 4-door Infiniti back then. I hate little cars but this one was kind of zippy.

Shortly after getting onto I-26, I and many others soon became snarled behind two 18-wheelers riding side by side. I, unfortunately, wound up directly behind the 18-wheeler in the left lane. Both were going anywhere from 10 to 15 under the speed limit. Now, of course, I don't blame the guy on the right side. And I get it, trucks run America and I respect what they do. But if you're a ####### truck driver who camps in the left lane beside another truck driver so no one can pass, your fines should be tripled.

This went on for miles. I could see the long row of enraged drivers built up behind me. Nothing could convince this guy to yield. Flashing headlights didn't work. Slowing down a little more so he could get behind the truck on the right didn't. He was content with riding parallel all the way down the Interstate.

Finally, the truck driver in the right lane sped up. I don't know if he realized what was going on or if he just got a call on the CB that the Hardee's up the road had half off sausage biscuits, but he sped up just enough to give me a window.

In her zippy little car, I shot over to the right lane. It felt like a NASCAR driver making his move after drafting another car. I could see the cars behind me immediately following. The good guy truck driver gave me enough room to get in front of the #######. And then I had an epiphany.

Sure, I could have hit the gas and gone on my merry way, leaving both trucks in the dust. This little buggy could scoot. But for a shining moment, something stirred inside me to help my fellow motorists.

I cut over into the left lane in front of the ####### trucker. And then I gradually slowed down.

He immediately knew what I was doing. I could see him yelling and flipping me the bird in my rearview mirror. And on my right side, that long row of cars that had been backed up for miles sailed on past. The trucker put on his turn signal to go around me, but nobody in that row had any intention of letting him over. That beautiful caravan broke free and traffic returned to normal speed.

I'm pretty sure people way in the back of the caravan thought I was the ####### holding up traffic, not the truck driver. And I'm okay with that. Some people in Gotham thought Batman was the villain.

Once traffic had cleared in the right lane, the trucker tried to make his move around me, but it was a fool's errand. I flashed him some deuces, punched the gas, and left him all alone on I-26 to sit and wallow in his misery.

For one brief, fleeting moment, I felt like a hero.

Then I went down to Myrtle Beach and did some stupid #### and probably erased all that good karma.

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The only heroic thing I've probably ever done

I did this once, except when I got back into the left lane

This may be the most beta post I’ve ever read.

lolwut?***

Re: I did this once, except when I got back into the left lane

Deer Catahoula

This really is an epic story***

I know exactly how you feel.

back in the day when they were lowering speed

Re: The only heroic thing I've probably ever done

What HASN'T anyone done in Myrtle?***

Re: What HASN'T anyone done in Myrtle?***

Made good decisions***

Re: ALL HEROS DON'T WEAR CAPES

That’s good stuff. I really miss the pre-cellphone days,

pre-cellphone days were the best

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