I know how JFB's story ends, and it's a good one.

Apr 28, 2022, 10:48 AM

Cut to CinemaCon. A Con of cinema ongoing in Las Vegas. On stage there is the goddess Olivia "Thirteen" Wilde. In the middle of her talk, she is served with custody papers by a real ##### of a process server. This, of course, was an accident of the process server's making because no way Ted Lasko intended for that to happen. Nonetheless, it's a real embarrassing moment -- like Will Smith taking out his marriage problems on Chris Rock embarrassing -- but remember Wilde is a goddess so she handles it with aplomb.

But JFB knows the real pain hiding underneath, as he was just served at Texas Roadhouse. In the words of James Franco speaking to the North Korean people in his Kim Jong biopic:

"We are different people. We speak different languages. We have different faces. But inside, we are same-same. Same-same, but different."

JFB and Oliva Wilde are very different, but in this moment, they are same-same.

Being the good man that he is, he slides into Wilde's DM with purely the noblest of intentions. No scheming. Just wants to let her know she's not alone in this post-divorce world, and more than that, that she will get through being served in a real shattie situation. He says, "I just got served at Texas Roadhouse by my ex. It sucks, but you're not alone. Take care 13."

She responds back, "Is that a theater in the round in Austin? Oh my! Thank you for letting me know your story. My soul is healing thanks to you."

They start up a conversation in which JFB explains to Wilde that Texas Roadhouse is not a theater in the round in Austin, but a fine establishment where you get bread that is next to god. Casually, as the conversation advances, he invites her to dine.

She accepts.

Sparks fly.

He gets it in, and all of a sudden it is Jason who? Hollywood what? I need the common man.

JFB seals the deal. Puts a ring on it. Lives happily ever after.

Lacey remains alone in her anger, knowing she will never be able to bring JFB down now that he has it all. Especially his happiness.

The end.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10763575/Jason-Sudeikis-slammed-serving-Olivia-Wilde-custody-papers-stage.html

'Ted Lasso is an A**Ho!' Jason Sudeikis under fire over Olivia Wilde

Wilde, 38, was mid-way through a presentation about her upcoming thrilled Don't Worry Darling at CinemaCon in Las Vegas when she was given a manila envelope by a process server.