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All-In [45902]
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I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 10:16 AM
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Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Rowlf The Dog, which weighs 151 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, a pig? So because I'm sometimes a funny guy, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to take a leak on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask some people. You'll never know what stories they come up with!
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CU Medallion [65037]
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Has that woman had the hook pulled out of her mouth yet?
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May 15, 2023, 10:26 AM
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😂
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Oculus Spirit [80016]
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Sounds like one of Bill Engvall's "here's your sign jokes."
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May 15, 2023, 10:33 AM
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lol
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Heisman Winner [139883]
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I am also no longer allowed to shop at Costco...
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May 15, 2023, 10:33 AM
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but for a different reason.
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All-In [25891]
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Re: I am also no longer allowed to shop at Costco...
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May 15, 2023, 10:45 AM
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That is not surprising FM !! Are you the guy that dropped condoms in everyone's shopping cart ?
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Legend [16366]
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All-In [40100]
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You signed a non-disclosure agreement and that means you
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May 15, 2023, 11:15 AM
[ in reply to I am also no longer allowed to shop at Costco... ] |
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aren't even supposed to mention that you can't shop at Costco anymore. And we on the other hand promise not to describe what you did in the women's lingerie section. Thank you. Consider this a warning.
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Heisman Winner [108390]
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CU Medallion [64519]
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"Mine is bigger!"
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May 15, 2023, 12:01 PM
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Eric Stratton to Mrs. Marion Wormer at The Food King.
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All-TigerNet [10782]
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Re: "Mine is bigger!"
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May 15, 2023, 5:38 PM
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oh to go back to when college was really college!
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Oculus Spirit [76758]
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That was you???
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May 15, 2023, 10:52 AM
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My wife went on all weekend about this new diet I told her was insane.
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All-In [40100]
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Is her coat shinier?***
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May 15, 2023, 11:16 AM
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Oculus Spirit [76758]
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Teeth are whiter too.***
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May 15, 2023, 6:27 PM
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CU Medallion [61530]
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That is hilarious!!
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May 15, 2023, 10:52 AM
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I hope it is true!
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CU Medallion [51986]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 10:53 AM
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It would have made it even more interesting if you told her your name is Jedi_Kermit.
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All-In [45902]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 12:18 PM
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I didn't have my lightsaber with me at the time so that would have been awkward.
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110%er [5037]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 11:09 AM
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Did she ask you if you developed an uncontrollable urge to chase cars?? lol
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All-In [45902]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 12:19 PM
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Only little red sports cars.
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CU Medallion [55308]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 9:03 PM
[ in reply to Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore. ] |
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Dogs don't chase cars anymore, they stopped doing that when they found that humans was using a lug nut to bolt those burlap sacks to a wheel as a car chasing game they should play and their buddies was getting run over bc their teeth were getting caught in the sack and pulling them under the tire!!!
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All-In [45902]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 9:12 PM
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Little red sports cars are irresistible...
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Hall of Famer [22511]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 11:19 AM
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If I were you my response would have been “ Is that DOG food? I thought it said FROG food!”
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Legend [18792]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 12:08 PM
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Was it this lady?
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Hall of Famer [22511]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 2:11 PM
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Lady???
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CU Medallion [50500]
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My exact thought!***
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May 15, 2023, 5:30 PM
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110%er [9903]
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Oculus Spirit [81977]
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Haha I get it it. The food made you pee on a hdryant like a
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May 15, 2023, 12:41 PM
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dog lol
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All-In [40100]
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I’m glad I didn’t have to mansplain it to you agin***
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May 15, 2023, 1:09 PM
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110%er [9903]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 12:48 PM
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🤣🤣🤣
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Heisman Winner [133731]
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If I told this story to my mother, she would believe every
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May 15, 2023, 12:57 PM
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bit of it.
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All-In [46447]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 2:19 PM
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Just hit Sams club, they have the same bag for $25! It’s a cheaper diet!
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110%er [6095]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 4:04 PM
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All-In [37746]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 4:11 PM
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Hey!!! Hey!!! What's wrong with a Pig?
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All-In [45902]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 4:32 PM
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Pigs are high maintenance. Especially female ones.
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All-TigerNet [10901]
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That one's pretty old...I first heard it probably 15 years ago.
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May 15, 2023, 6:45 PM
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All-In [45902]
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Re: It is like a fine wine...
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May 15, 2023, 9:11 PM
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and I put my own little spin on it.
Others seemed to enjoy it.
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Athletic Dir [852]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 9:23 PM
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I actually lol’ed at this. Tears started to come out - this is something my Dad would find very funny.
I’ll share with him. 😂
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Team Captain [494]
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Re: I cannot shop at Costco anymore.
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May 15, 2023, 9:39 PM
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I would love to meet you in line with $300 worth of batteries and ask if your flashlights work. Just to see what happened to the dog
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All-In [45902]
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Re: I'd ask if you had that many batteries,
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May 15, 2023, 10:13 PM
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how many pink bunnies do you have?
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All-In [36207]
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Mr. Kermit....Point Grubbing in This Forum is Looked Down
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May 15, 2023, 9:50 PM
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Upon, please don't lower yourself to this behaviour
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All-In [45902]
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Re: Thank you.
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May 15, 2023, 10:09 PM
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Orange Blooded [3155]
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