All-In [34486]

TigerPulse: 100%

Posts: 13513

Joined: 8/30/19

Blowing mud when you're on a boat.

May 24, 2021, 3:28 PM

This past weekend, something that hasn't happened since I was a kid happened. I took an underwater dump and didn't get caught.

I had a hog dog from a gas station and a Slim Jim with a swiss cake role for brunch. That was the first mistake. The second mistake was not clearing my bowels when I hit the head at the marina bathroom. I blew mud there, but apparently just enough to break the seal.

Shitpains started hitting me as soon as we left the slip, and the relatively choppy wake of the day was bouncing around a brown cocktail inside my belly. It was going to be an interesting day.

I was with a group of boats tied up 4-across and it was pretty crowded amongst this little group of friends (a few of my close coworkers and their mutal friends included). The feeling came and went while we were anchored out on the redneck yacht club. It was tolerable at first. But then after drinking for about 4 hours and stuffing my face with boiled peanut enemas, I couldn't take it anymore.

The front of the boat didn't have a ladder, and was exposed to relatively heavy boat traffic on Saturday. I thought about squatting over the front and ######## but then my head would have been exposed to all these people floating on tubes/Lilypads at the back, some of whom I barely knew. That, and my bungholle would have caught the eyes of the jet skis passing by. ####, I thought.

Holding it longer was no option.

So alas, it comes to the dip of shame. I crawled down into the water off the front of the pontoon, dropped in and held on to the front with one hand while I pulled my swim trunks down with another. I proceeded to blow so much mud in the water that my immediate surroundings looked like a caramel latte from Starbucks. It looked like a blue cat had stirred up the silt at the bottom of an embankment, if you will. As I sat in my own poopy water and wiped my butt with my hands (and fingernails), lamenting why my life was going this way, I noticed a floater make it's way to the top of the water and start floating under the pontoon towards the back of the boat where everyone was lounging in the water. Victory was not had yet.

Instead of letting a rogue stink-log reach the crowd of socialites and them identifying the culprit since I had gone missing, I grabbed the turd out of the water. I tried to fling it backwards, but it mostly disintegrated, making a mess of my hands any arm pit. I even got some in my mouth (okay, I made that last sentence up).

I had poopy hands, but catastrophe was avoided. I dipped into my poopy cocktail for one last bath in it, before swimming under the pontoon and plopping myself up on the lilly pad where everyone was partying.

"Someone throw me a beer" I said, with a sly grin.

flag link

military_tech

thumb_down

thumb_up

I've been declaring single/0 on my W4 since time began and have been getting annually, anally violated as long as I can remember.

This year I had to pay $150 to file my taxes to report $29 worth of stock sales income (to get taxed on). WT F?

I don't even know why I even pay them anymore. Why should I do the right thing? No one else does. I didn't get any stimulus checks, and not even a stimulus credit. I get financially sodomized all year long, then take an even bigger rectum busting cactus insertion at tax time? I mean what if I don't pay for several years, and my additional tax bill gets to say, I dunno..$100K? I never hide any income, and I don't think they can throw you in debtors prison for back taxes. At some point, They'd probably just settle on what I could pay. And by the time that comes around, it won't be much.

Blowing mud when you're on a boat.

I'm going to be VERY disappointed if this is another

Its real.

It did have that stink to it***

No, sir. This is very much real.

You giver yourself a "once over" to make sure you didn't

YOLO

OK, well assuming so

Just to make it seem less obvious, he started blowing

Pooping in the water is actually kind of nice experience

This is the true lunge POTD***

I would think treading water and shatting at the same time

Re: Blowing mud when you're on a boat.

Soooo basically you and your friends swam in shatttt.***

This is not how I remember penthouse forum***

Correct. This is Shithouse forum***

salt or umm...er...."fresh" water?

Lake Murray***

I dropped one overboards across from Death Valley

LOL Wat?

I was in my fiberglass bass boat at the time

Why not just poop and pee into the bucket?

For 1) it wasn't a 5 gallon bucket

Did you have 5 gallons of poop and pee?

Yaah, I typically just stand on the back of my boat and whip

No

I'm just a simple caveman, but your logic seems flawed to me***

Hey, you got any photos?***

Why didn't you just air your ham over board and drop

Then I am obviously exposed, instead I pooped

Please.***

Yes***

I will have to at y'all tomorrow, work day DONE.***

Than you because I'm not sticking around here for a

Maybe this helps

Is this to scale?***

+1 for "lake filthy"***

I will bet you good money that ryanadidas

Yes. Yes I have.

In my head, I pretended that the narrators from the

Shlatterred***

Sha-dooby.***

Re: Sha-dooby.***

This line is pure gold from a dude who would hang around

FBmooch without all the cumbersome financial worries.***

IKR? But we're supposed to believe he got back a buck-fiddy

STAHHHP!!!!

HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT MISTER MONEYBAGS,

What is a DEBIT FILTER OBED??!?!?!?

I'd like to share the same info with you,

NICE***

Also, plus who actually does online banking???

You got a $46 refund check ?

This was the stimmy.***

refunds..lulz

I'm still trying to figure out how

You're talking to the wrong guy about taxes.

Lollers. I copied that same line... touché.

This discussion of getting the pain

10/10 wood read again***

This is why we come here.***

I bet Tiggity has dropped a dirty

It checked out cleaner than Lexington's water

I've nothing to say/add. APM can only applaud.

Re: Blowing mud when you're on a boat.

TigerBoard POTD