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Circle up gents, it's story time
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Circle up gents, it's story time


Jul 27, 2022, 2:12 PM

Thought you fellas might enjoy this tale...

Now that Uncle of ICT is with the man upstairs telling his stories to the angels, I'll take over with a story of now 5 year old ICTyke. He was doing his evening Bible study with the old man when he asked "were Adam and Eve the first people ever born?" I explained to him that technically they were created and Cain and Abel were the first people born. Like any intelligent 5 year, he asks the difference, and I said that Adam and Eve were made by God as adults, but Cain and Abel were birthed by their mother, Eve, as babies. He then proceeds to ask how babies are made. I considered for 0.2 seconds telling him some BS like bellybuttons or storks, but then I remembered the world he lives in and figured it would be better to give him the truth before he sees a story with Bruce Jenner knocked up by one of Kim K's exes.

So I ask him, "Do you remember when you used to take showers with your mom?" He replies, "yes." I said, well, you know that me and you are boys and have a #####? He replies, "Yes..." I asked, "What does your mom have?" He replies, "a butt." "Yes", I said, "and what else? What in the front?" "A front butt", he replies. I can already tell it's gonna be tough to argue with his superior logic. After explaining that a front butt is indeed a ######, I then tell him that babies come from those. "How", he asks. So I say, "well son, a man puts his ##### into a ######, and it makes a woman get pregnant and have a baby". He pauses for a solid 10 seconds with a look of deep thought, then asks, "does it grow back?" Aside from the realization that my communication isn't quite clear enough for 5 year olds, I'm also keenly aware that I, again, can't argue because most men's don't grow back after that... so I get REAL specific. "Well son, you don't DEPOSIT IT, it stays connected, but you just push it up in there and then some liquid comes out, and THAT'S what makes them pregnant. After another pause, he says "OHHHH, so you just pee in them!" After another few minutes of further explanation, I get him set straight so he can tell all the other kids at daycare and his teachers today.

Best of luck to the rest of you parents and hope some of yalls grows back when you lose it in that front butt.

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So I'm not convinced this is real either, but my wife is


Jul 27, 2022, 2:46 PM

part of these different mommy groups on facebook, instagram, etc. Apparently it is surprisingly common for couples who are attempting to get pregnant to go to the doctor for fertility treatment or whatever, only to find out that the guy is making love to the woman's belly button. Lots of comments of "Ohh I was wondering why it hurt so much", etc.

She has shown me these conversations, but I have to think they are trolls. Cannot be real. Then again, I was kind of baptized by fire in that my first introduction to sex was 1st or 2nd week of 6th grade when I encountered some love making underneath the stairwell at school. I wasn't exactly sure what mechanics were, but I saw enough to get the gist of it.

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Mane you gotta beshitting me.


Jul 27, 2022, 3:01 PM

Are you serious?

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Oh yeah, it's either an elaborate troll spanning years


Jul 27, 2022, 3:04 PM

across multiple groups/platforms, or the population is becoming too stupid to even reproduce.

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Peeps are definitely getting dumb.


Jul 27, 2022, 3:07 PM

That said, I'm voting for troll with 99.9% confidence. And hey as long as SOMEONE is believing what they are reading that's good enough to keep carrying on with it I suppose.

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That's what I want to believe too


Jul 27, 2022, 3:13 PM

Then again, I've gotten into two separate arguments with people who were trying to say that fish are not animals.

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Hey, I'd like to hear their side of that.


Jul 27, 2022, 3:15 PM

Cliffs?

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Two drunken conversations that somehow devolved into


Jul 27, 2022, 3:19 PM

the topic of biology or something, but basically the argument was that fish were fish, not animals. Animals are land based per them. Naturally I ask if birds were animals then, again no, they are birds. I couldn't really follow the logic from there and try not to bring it up again. They're good neighbors and I don't want to burn that bridge....but I probably will if we revisit the conversation because it made be irrationally angry.

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not to go FULL nerd... but


Jul 27, 2022, 3:26 PM



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They think they're on to some kind of


Jul 27, 2022, 3:27 PM [ in reply to Two drunken conversations that somehow devolved into ]

hot take and the reality is they are just plain dumb.

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I just thought she was super tight or I had a huge rooster.


Jul 27, 2022, 3:11 PM [ in reply to Mane you gotta beshitting me. ]

Never would have thought it was the belly button.

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I took a shower with my dad one time and asked him


Jul 27, 2022, 3:07 PM

why his werner was so much bigger than mine.

He said "because it's hard, buddy."

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solid


Jul 27, 2022, 3:08 PM

content right there...

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And then you walked into the bedroom


Jul 27, 2022, 3:13 PM [ in reply to I took a shower with my dad one time and asked him ]

And step mom was face down ### up under some covers pretending to be a seex doll for you????

Tell us the whole story!!!

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then he beat you with jumper cables


Jul 27, 2022, 3:35 PM [ in reply to I took a shower with my dad one time and asked him ]

the end.

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