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All-In [49037]
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Wives and money...
Apr 20, 2021, 4:35 PM
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I know you all know this, but...
Honey, it will be expensive to take she and all her friends to a 5 star lunch for her birthday but since it's the only gift we are getting her it should be fine!
Me two days later: "What did we spend 250.00 on at Urban Outfitters on the day we took her and her friends to lunch and happened to stop by Urban Outfitters?
Me: Hey, we got some weird big expenses this week and next.
Her: It's okay, we just won't do anything else abnormal expense wise.
Also Her three days later: The cleaning ladies will be here at 10:30.
Me: Didn't they already come last week?
Her: Well, I wanted them to do an all day deep clean. It's only 400 dollars!
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Lot o points [180987]
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Oculus Spirit [79196]
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Hear's what you do. You tell her if she don't stop spending
Apr 20, 2021, 4:42 PM
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all that money you gonna take that dick away from her. She won't get none of your peanus for the next month.
See how that works out for you.
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All-In [40929]
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add for my wife
Apr 20, 2021, 4:57 PM
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I had a short check so i put my hair appointment on "the" credit card
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Oculus Spirit [83075]
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Always had separate bank accounts so we usually only
Apr 20, 2021, 5:03 PM
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discuss money a few times a year. With taxes due, one is coming up.
I pay all the bills except her "power mom car" payment and our cell service.
Without separate accounts, there is no way I could stay married.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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same here.
Apr 21, 2021, 8:21 AM
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I made her move back in with her folks after a few bad purchases.... Separate bank accounts was a term of taking her back.
Been going stronger than ever for the past 6 or so years.
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CU Medallion [54758]
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weird, i've never seen you around the house
Apr 21, 2021, 12:25 AM
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but we're obviously married to the same B
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All-In [46824]
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My wife's cousin cleans our house
Apr 21, 2021, 7:39 AM
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normal clean is $50
Deep clean is $180.
She does amazing work
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Our hispanic ladies "the Marias" as we call them...
Apr 21, 2021, 8:24 AM
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They are twin sisters. The one that speaks english is named Maria. They clean for us, my brother, my inlaws, about 5 of my cousins, my wife's grandma and 4 familes that we're friends with. None of us can tell the two women apart, so we all refer to them as the Marias. We're in a good position, because our circle of influence is their entire wellbeing. If they screw any one of the families over, we'll all fire them and they'll be screwed. Sometimes their kids come and clean too. That's when my clothes get put up in ridiculous drawers...
They charge us $80 to come ever other week. I think for the houses that they visit weekly, it's slightly less and for once per month, or as needed cleaning it's over $100.
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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Ahh yes, mine are just Amazon packages and JCrew Packages
Apr 21, 2021, 7:42 AM
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and other random things that show up while I am working from home AFTER we decided that we should cool it on spending for a while since we just took a trip, are fitting the bill for her Grandparent's lawyer fees (will, power of attorney, etc) and taking two vacations this summer, you know, to save up a few extra doll hairs.
Nah, as long as the money is in the account, it can be spent on anything.
Those curtains were a deal though, only $100 on Final Sale so they cannot be returned, and they are the wrong size, so we have to take them somewhere to be hemmed, which will probably cost what the discount was, and if they mess them up, you cannot get anymore of them because it is all sold out.
#Life
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Teach that wife of yours to sew.
Apr 21, 2021, 8:26 AM
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It's a basic life skill that all women should have.
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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Heisman Winner [135570]
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Gotta say...
Apr 21, 2021, 12:42 PM
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2 J. Crew was one of the most influential hip hop groups of the late 1980s to the early 1990s.
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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HEEEEEEYYYY, WE WANT SOME KHAKIS!!!
Apr 21, 2021, 12:44 PM
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and my alltime favorite, POP THAT POLO!
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CU Medallion [54758]
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Me So Preppy***
Apr 21, 2021, 1:37 PM
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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Thanks to your suggestion, I just added a whole bunch of
Apr 21, 2021, 2:32 PM
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stuff to my cart. Tell yer wife they got some new merch today!
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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Oh sweet summer child, she already knows and
Apr 21, 2021, 3:11 PM
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packages will probably start arriving on Monday.
Side note, they gotta be going out of business, right? Too many sales to indicate good things.
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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I hope not. They make their stuff overseas and markup
Apr 21, 2021, 3:16 PM
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the heck outta it but who knows, your wife and I alone cannot keep the J. Crew afloat forever. They've got to have lowered their overhead by shuttering retail stores everywhere.
For example, a dress I purchased was 40% off.... $158 original marked down to $94.50. What a bargain, amiright??? SHould probably buy one in every color. They play mind games and tell you only a few are left which makes you think you should buy NOW before it's all gone.
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Lot o points [155877]
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You married a 25 year old model
Apr 21, 2021, 8:27 AM
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Suck it up, buttercup.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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"What a coincidence... I also have a 25 year old model
Apr 21, 2021, 8:28 AM
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of Chevy Silverado. It'll be paid off in 5 more years."
- FBCOOCH
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CU Medallion [54758]
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All-In [31460]
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Re: Wives and money...
Apr 21, 2021, 8:28 AM
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You're not alone brother. While I've been in school and residency and we've been financially constrained, it's been a constant war about overspending. I explicitly sacrifice things I may want or want to do, so that my wife can buy things for her and our children... and I'm okay with that.
Our situation changes dramatically this fall. I don't want her to know how much money I have or what our account balances are. I want to make sure she feels like she can buy whatever she wants, and keep her account well funded for her and the kids, but not have access to my accounts. I'm struggling to come up with a solution for managing my money at that point that doesn't feel like I'm being financially controlling... even though I'm the only one working.
Suggestions appreciated.
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Lot o points [155877]
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This sounds like a prayer request.
Apr 21, 2021, 8:46 AM
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Dear Jah,
Please see 15 through these dark days of residency, when he had to get the Tesla Model Y instead of the X, and (Grip6) belt tightening saw him forced to source his foie gras domestically.
Please give him a bank for his future earnings that doesn't send account totals on mailed statements, and allows him the luxury of a sub-account that his wife thinks is the real account.
Amen
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All-In [31460]
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Jah bless. Hallowed be thy name.***
Apr 21, 2021, 8:47 AM
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CU Medallion [66051]
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I've been accused of being Red Pill af
Apr 21, 2021, 8:57 AM
[ in reply to Re: Wives and money... ] |
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but my wife has her account, I have mine, and never the twain shall meet.
She does use my checkbook to buy food, etc. Personal expenses come out of her account
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All-In [31460]
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Re: I've been accused of being Red Pill af
Apr 21, 2021, 9:07 AM
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This is what I'm going to do, but she doesn't work and it's going to be me just putting money into an account for her. Just trying to rationalize how to do that without generating negative feelings. She's on board with this too, at least in theory, I just know the first time her account runs dry before I planned on reloading it, the system will fail.
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Lot o points [155877]
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That'll be good, then if you ever have to call your bank
Apr 21, 2021, 9:09 AM
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on the phone, just slap her on the butt and say "run along dear, I'm having man-talk."
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All-In [31460]
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Re: That'll be good, then if you ever have to call your bank
Apr 21, 2021, 9:10 AM
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THIS IS THE PROBLEM
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All-In [31460]
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Re: That'll be good, then if you ever have to call your bank
Apr 21, 2021, 9:15 AM
[ in reply to That'll be good, then if you ever have to call your bank ] |
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No cap though, her parents are poor and never taught her financial literacy or the value of saving. You ever read Rich Dad, Poor Dad? That #### is real, people who are raised to spend everything they have like the world might end are just inherently different from those raised to understand the value of money and how to make it work for you.
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All-In [46824]
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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I kind of do this for a living, plus I've been married a few
Apr 21, 2021, 9:32 AM
[ in reply to Re: Wives and money... ] |
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years longer than you have so Imma give you some free advice. I manage the businesses and finances of a high net worth individual.
Sit down and lay it all out for her. Establish your spending and saving goals. Don't hide it from her, but if you explain it in a way that you are trying to go from just making a salary to actually building wealth she'll get it.
Highly recommend getting some professional advice on setting it all up so it's not just coming across as you being controlling. Establishing a family trust early on is probably a good idea.
Also, my dad and also my boss give an allowance... which is kind of like a salary. That way she has some money to do with what she wants (not just for household or kids), no questions asked. She can save it or blow it, but ultimately it's hers.
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Lot o points [155877]
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Translation:
Apr 21, 2021, 9:34 AM
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My husband makes an asston of money but I manage the household finances.
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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Nah man. I thought I'd lived a good life until I took this
Apr 21, 2021, 9:41 AM
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job.
My husband does aight but we aren't playing squash, flying private and air conditioning our garage.
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Lot o points [155877]
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touche indeed***
Apr 21, 2021, 9:54 AM
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All-In [46824]
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Translation: I'm the crazy girl on Yellowstone***
Apr 21, 2021, 9:43 AM
[ in reply to Translation: ] |
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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All-In [31460]
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Re: I kind of do this for a living, plus I've been married a few
Apr 21, 2021, 9:41 AM
[ in reply to I kind of do this for a living, plus I've been married a few ] |
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Thanks for the advice, good stuff.
I mean we've been married for ten years, so we have a solid foundation, but for almost all of it have been paycheck to paycheck, despite making what many would consider a comfortable living with both of us working. I've just sort of gone along with the flow, knowing there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The end of that tunnel is now, and our prior situation is about to be completely upended. I lack the vocabulary and ability to teach someone raised differently than I was about the value of money, and I think you're right that hearing this from a third party that's not me or my dad about building wealth will be better received.
To your last point, that's exactly what I want her to have, is enough money to feel like she can do whatever she wants, no questions asked, I don't care where it goes. The problem will be that she's always, as long as I've known her (about 16 years now) spent what she has until it's gone, without ever really feeling the consequences of that behavior.
I just don't want to feel like I'm controlling or financially abusive.
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Orange Blooded [4701]
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You're thinking about it the right way.
Apr 21, 2021, 9:52 AM
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She did support you in every way while you were in school.. my parents had a similar dynamic. Establishing a budget and letting her see where everything is going and the goals behind it will help her see the big picture.
I 100 percent thing she will be on board with the idea of an allowance that gives her some freedom and also you the security of knowing that she's not going to blow it all. I'd recommend the money going towards household management and children is separate. Y'all have a joint account for household expenses, mortgage, school etc. She can have her account and then you have your investments and savings.
My parents have been married for almost 60 years and my mom always says the secret to their marriage is no secrets.
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All-Conference [449]
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Re: I kind of do this for a living, plus I've been married a few
Apr 21, 2021, 10:31 AM
[ in reply to Re: I kind of do this for a living, plus I've been married a few ] |
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My wife and I have a joint account and we talk through savings goals, estimated spending each month, etc. But we also incorporated an idea from some friends that has been very helpful. We each have a line item in the budget for ourselves. Its not a ton of money, maybe $150-2000 a month, but the whole point is that we can spend it however we want to. It avoids a lot of strife.
The only flaw is that you still have to discuss/decide what qualifies as a family expense. I.e., why do we need a new throw-pillow? Did we get these baby clothes because he needed them or because you thought they were cute?
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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$150-2000/month is a little line item in your budget?
Apr 21, 2021, 10:41 AM
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Yeah, I see that on the $150 end but at $2k each per month, that is $48k a year as a "little line item." Either I need to get a better job, or you meant $150- $200 each per month.
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All-Conference [449]
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Re: $150-2000/month is a little line item in your budget?
Apr 21, 2021, 10:58 AM
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Hah. Yes. That's a typo. Should have been $150-200.
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Lot o points [155877]
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That’s really too bad.
Apr 21, 2021, 2:25 PM
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I was seconds away from inviting you to tailgate on the avenue of champions with me and my son Slade Pilkington III at our Range Rover SVT Autobiography. Thought you were one of us.
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CU Guru [1551]
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Give her at At Home gift card once a month and tell her that
Apr 21, 2021, 9:34 AM
[ in reply to Re: Wives and money... ] |
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is her allowance. she can then decide if she wants to buy more pillows without going over budget or save up for a new rug in the living room.
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Hall of Famer [21929]
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they love spending that money
Apr 21, 2021, 8:51 AM
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luckily I got one who makes plenty of it so I don't say a whole lot, other than your standard this is stupid.
she's started complaining about working with a kid, and I promptly told her that our lifestyle would drastically change by removing her salary. plus, you know, we moved here b/c of her.
she also got a boat load of stock options, so she'd have to give those back too.
I don't have the fortitude to keep separate bank accounts. Seems like way too much work
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All-In [46824]
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We have a joint account too. I don't see the problem
Apr 21, 2021, 9:11 AM
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I pay all of the bills anyways. She lets everything get behind.
Makes it easy to see everything coming out of one account
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All-In [40929]
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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One person just paying for everything makes it a lot easier
Apr 21, 2021, 10:37 AM
[ in reply to they love spending that money ] |
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to have separate accounts.
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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100% ON POINT, Fedex guy just brought a giant box from
Apr 21, 2021, 9:10 AM
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Target and a small bag from Lululemon.
Still waiting on Amazon and UPS, they come later in the day usually.
The Lulu shorts will look really nice on me if she doesn't like them though.
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All-In [32646]
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Let's say the divorce rate is 50% . . . . of those 50%
Apr 21, 2021, 9:18 AM
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divorced, what percentage had separate accounts / kept financial things separate ?
I'm with dawghater23 - seems like a TON of work . . . and she's gonna get half of all of it in the divorce anyway.
I'm gonna say 69.69% of those divorced kept all financial matters separate.
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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I'm interested how you come to that conclusion
Apr 21, 2021, 10:38 AM
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or those percentages.
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All-In [32646]
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Through extensive research & interviewing + PWC auditing
Apr 21, 2021, 12:46 PM
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before guessing.
Hope this clears it up for you.
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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Re: Through extensive research & interviewing + PWC auditing
Apr 21, 2021, 1:44 PM
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Oculus Spirit [75717]
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That is why I won't get married and my money can
Apr 21, 2021, 9:22 AM
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stay in my account and her money in hers. Though I am more guilty of buying extra stuff right now.
So far this year.
New luggage when CostCo had a sale ~$120 I think
Drill/impact driver combo $200
Pressure washer $140
fancy meat probes $120
Imma be broke once I start going to concerts again.
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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If you don't plan on having kids, and maybe even if you do
Apr 21, 2021, 10:39 AM
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don't get married.
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CU Medallion [60041]
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Marry up and it won’t matter
Apr 21, 2021, 1:46 PM
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At. All.
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Heisman Winner [105546]
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I chose the opposite
Apr 21, 2021, 1:50 PM
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and that makes me dislike you a little
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Oculus Spirit [81061]
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50
