Pigskin Prophet: Parity makes for a lot of really bad football

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Pigskin Prophet: Parity makes for a lot of really bad football

It’s been a long week, even for the Pigskin Prophet.

As parity (or as my friends on social media like to say, parody) rocks the college football landscape, one has to wonder if even the woeful South Carolina Gamecocks, Florida St. Seminoles, or Miami Hurricanes will wind up with big wins at some point this season.

The Gamecocks barely escaped East Carolina by the barest of margins, then took it on the chin, er..beak…last week in Athens. Florida St. is winless, still, with a loss to FCS Jacksonville, while Miami simply embarrasses the ACC every chance it gets.

But parity, man. Florida almost surprised Bama. Oregon beat Ohio St., and then the Buckeyes managed to escape Tulsa. TULSA!!!! Notre Dame survived a scare from Toledo. Clemson got the lightning scared out of it by Georgia Tech, a team who has a Waffle House cook for a coach. There promises to be more of the same as we continue down this wild and wooly road, and my guess is there a few upsets headed our way this week. Including a wild one Friday night in Charlottesville.

Let’s take a look at some picks, and if you’re offended, that makes me happy.



Raise your hand if you knew that there were two undefeated teams in the ACC. Raise your hand if you knew they were Wake Forest and Boston College. The Demon Deacons are short on actual talent, and the schedule hasn’t been tough, but they are well-coached. Virginia is passing the ball with ease and they’ve played the tougher schedule. They are also at home, on a Friday night, because the ACC capitulated it’s integrity to the goons at ESPN. This one will be high-scoring, with a lot of passing. Weak Florist blinks first. VIRGINIA 37, WAKE FOREST 33



If the Eagles had quarterback Phil Jurkovec, this would be an easy call. But Jurkovec is out, and Dennis Grosel is at the helm of an offense built to pass the ball. Missouri? They can put up points, but they give up yards on the ground in chunks. This is another one that should be fun to watch – especially if the grass is already cut – and there should be points aplenty. I think Vegas is taking Mizzou. I think everyone else will, too. But I’ve been to Chestnut Hill. It’s supposed to rain, and all 900 fans will be boisterous and loud while waiting on hockey to start. Eagles win. BC POWDER 38, MIZZOU 34


Ok, so the Badgers can be offensively challenged at times. I get it. But they are playing at home, and they will have a little revenge on their minds when former Badger QB Jack Coan rolls into town with a gold helmet and an angry little leprechaun named Brian Kelly. This one won’t be as high-scoring, and the Badgers pull out the win late, making that leprechaun even angrier. WISCONSIN 27, NOTRE DAME 20


Hey, look Canes fans!!! A game you can win!!!! MIAMI 40, SOME CONNECTICUT SCHOOL 10


Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney and his dreaded laptop are headed up to Raleigh to take on Whiny Dave and the Wolfpack. The Pack fans will be liquored up and ready to throw everything from water bottles to liquor bottles to their wives at the Clemson coaches and players. Of course, all of that is nasty and the police will step in and stop things from getting out of hand. Clemson’s offense has struggled – oh how it’s struggled – but something about having someone’s wife thrown at you will snap you out of your funk. Karen will be returned to the stands, and the offense finds a way in the second half. CLEMSON 24, NC STATE 16


Rumors are rife in Tallahassee. One minute Deion Sanders is coming to save the day, the next it’s Mario Cristobal. Then it’s Joe Brady leaving the Panthers. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter what coach they get. Joe Gibbs. Bill Belichick. Tom Landry. Chuck Noll. Vince Lombardi. Vince McMahon. Vince Neil. Doesn’t matter. The ‘Noles have talent but are not well-coached. The fans have almost given up. But here’s the deal. Louisville is tiny. Everywhere. Bunch of little fellas dressed in red. This one could be fun, too, if you like a lot of really bad football. LOUISVILLE 41, FSU 38


Ouch. No one wants to see this game. Red Bull Beamer will do his best to get his charges riled up for this SEC East rivalry, but expect more of what we are seeing across the start – really bad teams playing really bad football. The Wildcats have always had success against South Carolina because of their ability to run the football, and they will have a little more of the same Saturday. But you can also COUNT on a South Carolina defensive back giving up a 30-yard pass play and then drawing a personal foul penalty. Three times. Maybe four. It’s what they do down there. KENTUCKY 27, CHICKENS 20


Well, lookee here. Ole Waffle House Boy came out with an exotic defense last weekend and stumped the Clemson offense and will look to do the same with UNC this weekend. The Tar Heels will let the Jackets hang around for a while, simply because they are decent but not great, but old Sam Howell will get that Tar Heel offense cranked up and eventually they will pull away. But for a while, this will be a shootout. UNC 44, GEORGIA TECH 27


Oklahoma hasn’t been impressive. Not by a long shot. Spencer Rattlesnake has been picked by man to win the Heisman and he’s put up decent numbers, but the offense has sputtered at times while the defense is the usual terrible defense we are used to. West by God Virginia, fresh off kisses from their cousins, will try to shock Norman, but they simply don’t have the horses to hang around. Not for long, anyway. OKLAHOMA 45, WEST VIRGINIA 31

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