Pigskin Prophet: If nobody watches ACC Championship, did it really happen |
My dealings with the seedy side of college football, namely the University of South Carolina and the mob, cost me posting last week. You see, both the city of Charlotte and the Atlantic Coast Conference reached out to see what I could do about potential ACC Championship Game matchups.
One high-ranking ACC official texted me this: “When we invited those terrible football programs into the conference, we had no idea that TWO might make the title game in the same year. We’ve always depended on Clemson and FSU and Virginia Tech and Miami to bring fans to the games and so the networks will want to carry it. Now, this year, we are scared of what might happen if Wake Forest has to play someone like Pitt. Anything you can do?” Someone at the city of Charlotte, calling himself Deeper Throat, called me on a secure line and mentioned that they expected to sell somewhere around 600 tickets to Wake and maybe 48 or 49 to Pitt fans. They can do like Louisville and give away tickets to students and veterans and people who last name begins with either a consonant or vowel, but who wants to sit in the cold in December and see Pat Narduzzi get karma slapped upside his very large head? Who wants to see Dave Doeren? Or, what is that dude’s name that coaches Wake, Jimmy Clawson? Jerry Lawson? Jerry Clower? Dave something or other? I’ve had to tell all of them that while I would love to help them get a marquee matchup in the Queen City, I’ve been too busy dealing with the usual stuff with the Gamecocks. After the huge win over Florida last week, a game which every one of Florida’s scholarship players had mononucleosis, they contacted me about hanging an 80-foot banner with Shane Beamer on it, hugging Bob Caslen. I had to explain that Caslen had to resign because he has excellent copy/paste skills, and that Beamer is still a lot too goofy for a banner. Not yet. Seeing that the people in Columbia don’t really know what a conference championship game is, I offered them ACC title game tickets if they would hold off on making the banner, seeing as Florida is really bad and gets so embarrassed every time they lose to the Gamecocks that they fire coaches. But when they found out it might be Wake and Pitt or Virginia or NC State, they laughed and declined. Anybody want tickets? THURSDAY UNC AT PITTSBURGH Speaking of very few fans…….I can’t imagine that Ketchup Field will be full for this tilt. All you need to know is that Big Dome Narduzzi will be roaming the sidelines ranting and raving and looking like he needs an echocardiogram, while Mack Brown will simply wander around looking like someone’s grandfather who got lost on the way to the store. UNC can score in bunches, but their defense is beyond atrocious. PITT 41, UNC 37 FRIDAY CINCINNATI AT SOUTH FLORIDA Cincinnati now feels the pressure of being ranked for the College Football Playoffs, but are also complaining that the committee is putting too much emphasis on beating other teams by more than six points. Well, if your schedule is ranked 491st and you beat teams by a field goal, you deserve to have your credentials questioned. This week, it’s Jeff Scott and his Bulls, and these Bulls have been castrated for a while now. Cincy wins easy. CINCY 38, STEERS 14 SATURDAY UCONN AT CLEMSON Clemson’s offense might get the chance to surpass 400 yards this week. The Huskies haven’t played a game since 1996 and no one really knows at this point who is coaching the team. They travel down to Death Valley, where the old-timers will be looking for revenge for that last-second shot in the NCAA Tournament. The Tigers have had defections and injuries, and you know that if this was last year’s team, the Tigers would be favored by 80. But they still have enough teeth to dispatch a bunch of mangy mutts. CLEMSON 41, UCONN 0 MIAMI AT FLORIDA ST. The Hurricanes have been playing better of late, while Florida St. is playing like, umm, Florida St. This was a big game 35 years ago, and even though both programs are in trouble the ACC would rather have them than almost anybody else in the running. Florida St. has to run the ball to be effective, and Miami has just enough athletes to stop the run and make them one-dimensional. Hurricanes for the win. MIAMI 31, FSU 27 NC STATE AT WAKE FOREST This one is all about momentary supremacy in the ACC Atlantic. Wake Forest can score on just about anybody, and they will put up a bunch of points on the Wolfpack’s overrated defense. But the Wake defense is beyond bad, and might be better served to find someone’s grandma and her sewing circle and let them play linebacker and on the defensive line. And while they may be bad, at least they’re small and slow. Lots of points. State will score more. STATE 44, WAKE 40 SOUTH CAROLINA AT MISSOURI The Gamecocks have a ton of confidence heading into this game, as they should. They beat up on those Florida walk-ons in a big way, and it was fairly obvious that the Gators pulled a Jake Bentley and quit when the going got a little tough. Missouri? They aren’t very good, either. South Carolina has found some success running the football and the defense is actually decent. SOUTH CAROLINA 34, MISSOURI 30 MICHIGAN AT PENN ST. Jim Harbaugh is overrated. James Franklin is overrated. Both of these teams are overrated. But it should be fun to watch, right? Michigan finds itself in the top tier of the College Football Playoff rankings, and Wolverine fans are already dreaming of a win over Ohio St. and the possibilities beyond. And it all comes crashing down with a loss in Happy Valley. PENN ST. 26, MICHIGAN 23 OKLAHOMA AT BAYLOR I see you Oklahoma. Undefeated and sitting behind other teams that maybe don’t deserve it. The Sooners have been dynamite since Lincoln Nebraska Riley changed quarterbacks, and they will score a bunch of points this week. But so will Baylor. This is your typical Big 12 shootout, and the Sooners improve to 12-0. OKLAHOMA 38, BAYLOR 34
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