Pigskin Prophet debuts with this week's picks

by TigerNet Staff - Thu Aug 30 10:26:32 GMT-04:00 2012

College football begins this weekend, and predictions are a part of the game. With that in mind, TigerNet wants to bring you a new feature – one that may last just one week depending on the response – that takes a lighthearted look at the weekend’s football games. And remember, it’s all in fun, so don’t take anything too serious.

WEEK ONE

SOUTH CAROLINA AT VANDERBILT – The Gamecocks open the season against traditional SEC doormat Vanderbilt, a program that has undergone a transformation under head coach James Franklin. However, the Gamecocks have 19 potential Heisman Trophy winners (if you read their sites), 42 first round NFL draft picks, the best head coach to ever coach a fifth place team and enough arrests to keep the series Hard Time busy for two years. That talent is too much for the Commodores to overcome…South Carolina 31, Vanderbilt 20.

TENNESSEE vs. N.C. STATE – This is the first game of the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Classic, and will be played on Friday night in Atlanta. The Most Boring Coach in America – Tom O’Brien – takes his Pack to Atlanta to take on Derek Dooley, who is trying to make the Vols relevant again. Dooley has to hope QB Tyler Bray can hit his receivers as well as he throws beer bottles from balconies to hit passing cars. If not, the MBCA wins……N.C. State 28, Tennessee 24

MARSHALL AT WEST VIRGINIA – The last time we saw the Mountaineers, they were putting up 70 points on Clemson in the Orange Bowl. In this game, they take on undermatched Marshall, but WVU officials hope to drive attendance by promising that one lucky fan - in a drawing of ticket stubs – gets the chance to comb Dana Holgersen’s hair after the game. Because let’s face it, the man has never seen a brush or a comb in his life and tries to hide the baldness by wearing a mullet. No word on whether the haircutting will happen by the light of burning couches…West Virginia 71, Marshall 34

MIAMI (OH) AT OHIO ST. – The Urban Meyer era begins in Columbus as Meyer takes his spread offense to the B1G (Big 10), which has a confusing logo and 12 members. The Buckeyes have enough offensive weapons to win this one easily, but the worry is that Meyer will quit shortly after the first game, citing burnout……..Ohio St. 41, Miami 13

BUFFALO AT GEORGIA – No, it’s not the Buffalo Bills, and this Buffalo team will struggle in Athens, especially if they hang out in downtown Athens the night before the game. Georgia head coach Mark Richt will suspend 19 players just before kickoff, but the Bulldogs will still have enough horses to knock off Buffalo…GEORGIA 38, BUFFALO 6

ELON AT NORTH CAROLINA – The Fighting Phoenix travel up the interstate to Chapel Hill to not only play a football game, but to learn more about AFAM studies for its athletes. New head coach Larry Fedora and the Heels will have their hands full with Elon for about three quarters before pulling away late after ACC Commish John Swofford makes a visit to the officials’ locker room at halftime and promises them round trip tickets to Syracuse…..UNC 24, ELON 20

WILLIAM AND MARY AT MARYLAND – A person named Bill could take a girl named Mary and almost beat Maryland in this game. The Terps will be starting a 9-year old in this game after injuries and difficult head coach Randy Edsall depleted the signal callers’ position. Just like the Edsel never sold for Ford, Terp fans are not buying into this Edsall……..BILL 17, MARYLAND 16

GEORGIA TECH AT VIRGINIA TECH – The Paul Johnson ground show travels to Blacksburg, Va., to take on the Hokies. Taking a cue from their “original” song they play – Enter Sandman – the Hokie grounds crew dumps loads of sand on the Lane Stadium turf in order to slow down Johnson’s rushing attack. Logan Thomas – the nation’s best quarterback because he reminds people of a Fig Newton (or something like that) - continues his amazing play, completing 9-of-31 passes for 112 yards and four interceptions, entering the Heisman Trophy Race….Virginia Tech 9, Georgia Tech 6

MICHIGAN vs. ALABAMA – Michigan, a team that comes from a conference that doesn’t know the number of teams it possesses but also has a stupid logo, travels to Dallas to take on Bammer, a team that doesn’t quite know if its mascot is an elephant, a box of detergent or Harvey Updyke. The guess here is that Updyke “poisons” the trip for the Wolverines….Alabama 27, Michigan 21

HAWAII at SOUTHERN CAL – The Trojans open the season against the Rainbow Warriors, the kids of Jeff Gordon’s pit crew. The kids from Hawaii always seem to play Southern Cal tough, and defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin will muddy the waters by accusing Hawaii of cheating and turning them into the NCAA. USC head coach Lane Kiffin has too much talent, however, no matter what happens….Southern Cal 48, Hawaii 31

CLEMSON vs. AUBURN – This is the second game of the weekend in Atlanta. Auburn head coach Gene Chizik will be disappointed when he tries to steal the Tomahawk Chop after watching an Atlanta Braves game, only to learn FSU already has it. However, he finds another “original” slogan just in time for the game, and the War Eagles take the field to chants of “Obama-Biden 2012.” It isn’t enough, however, as Clemson head coach Dabo SwinneyDabo Swinney
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