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Pigskin Prophet: Paycheck Game Week


  by - Contributor - Thursday, September 4, 2014 10:57 AM
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The first weekend of college football is in the books, and I can tell you that I am extremely disappointed. Mama Nkemdiche didn’t get arrested or deported and by all accounts behaved herself during the Ole Miss opener last weekend.

The bad news for the in-state schools is that Texas A&M scored at will on South Carolina’s defense - I heard they took offense to the 900-foot tall banner of a shirtless Steve Spurrier hanging outside the cockroach – and Todd Gurley is unfortunately still gaining yards on Clemson’s defense.

The good news is that this is another week, and those tortured defenses get a chance to redeem the wrongs of the previous weeks. For South Carolina, that means trying to find a way to gain back some of that SEC speed that was obviously lost over the course of the off-season. Texas A&M – that was what we have heard is SEC speed. South Carolina – well they will match up really well with East Carolina.

On to this week’s games, and remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun. And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun. And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun. And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun. And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun. (There, I hope he’s happy, now I get to be mean).

And this week’s edition is a little shorter than normal – this is another one of those weekends when the powerhouses play the paycheck games, and there really isn’t a lot of interest going on. And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun.

THURSDAY

Arizona at UTSA

Arizona at WHOOO???????????????

FRIDAY

Ahh, high school football Friday nights. This is when all of the best high school teams play, and we get our football weekends started with some nice high school action. With that said, this week’s high school contest of the week is Pitt at Boston College. For any Boston College peeps who might be reading this, I apologize: In no way are we suggesting you go support the football team. Save your money because the ice hockey season starts Oct. 10th, and then they play a HUGE game at the Rochester Institute of Technology on Oct. 18th. Who needs high school football when you have BC at RIT???? WHOOOO? PITT 33, BOSTON COLLEGE 28

SOUTH CAROLINA ST. AT NO. 23 CLEMSON

The Bulldogs would love to replicate what the other Bulldogs did to Clemson last Saturday, but Todd Gurley earns his paychecks from just one place. However, I do have an in-depth scouting report to pass along to you paying customers who will be there: DON’T LEAVE YOUR SEATS AT HALFTIME TO GO DRINK OR EAT! STAY THERE AND WATCH SOUTH CAROLINA STATE’S MARCHING 101 BAND PERFORM. You’re welcome. Clemson 44, SC State 10.

FLORIDA ATLANTIC AT NO. 2 ALABAMA

Nick Saban crossed paths with The Mullet last week, and the Crimson Tide had all they could handle with the Kissin’ Cousins of West Virginia. This week, the competition gets a little easier – no not the SEC East minus Georgia – but Florida Atlantic. The poor Owls will be wandering around after the game wondering who or what hit them…..WHO!!! WHO!!!!! WHO!!! SATAN 40, OWLS 10 And remember (this is a disclaimer that Crump absolutely makes sure I put in) this is all in fun.


GARDNER-WEBB AT WAKE FOREST

Awww, Dave Clawson will get his first win as Wake Forest head coach. With games at Utah St. and at home against Army to close out the non-league portion of their schedule, it’s might also be his last chance at earning a win this season. WAKE 33, GARDNER-WEBB 22

EAST CAROLINA AT SOUTH CAROLINA

The yard birds were simply worn out last weekend by an angry group of Aggies out of Texas. That’ll teach them to disrespect Yell Practice!!! The old ball pouch said later that if the two teams were to play again, Texas A&M would be favored by three touchdowns. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Steve. It would be at least four. This week, the chickens get a bit of a reprieve in East Carolina before the Bulldogs gnaw on their brittle and slow bones. However, these Pirates have been known to throw the ball around the lot and that was one of the Gamecocks’ weaknesses last week. This one could be interesting long after the chicken sheds his dress and the shower curtain and fire extinguishers are put away. GAMECOCKS 40, EAST CAROLINA 27

VIRGINIA TECH AT OHIO ST.

Urban Meyer and the Buckeyes lost quarterback Braxton Miller late in fall camp. Miller – otherwise known as the Hurtin’ Buckaroo after Spencer ShueySpencer Shuey
Linebacker (2009 - 2013)
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’s beating – is out for the season, and Meyer called Frank Beamer late in August to ask him the question we’ve all wanted to know. How did you win without a quarterback over the last three or four years? Beamer just smiled, because he knows the Hokies have a chance to make a statement with an early-season win on the road. The Buckeyes struggled with the Midshipmen last week, and the Hokies – now that they have a quarterback for real – appear to be getting over the hump. Unfortunately, the Buckeyes are just too talented across the board, and the Hurtin' Hokie Buckaroos will limp back to Blacksburg with a loss. OHIO ST. 35, VIRGINIA TECH 24

LAMAR AT TEXAS A&M

I don’t know who Lamar is, but I feel sorry for him. Maybe he can get some pointers from Spurrier about how to stop Texas A&M. Oh……wait. CHICKEN KILLERS 62, UNCLE LAMAR 10.

THE CITADEL AT FLORIDA ST.

The ‘Noles are the kings of the college football world, even though their quarterback did his best to shake the foundation one skrong crab leg at a time. However, head coach Jimbo Fisher showed his toughness when he suspended Jesus for the last part of fall camp and the first game. In case you missed, Jesus will be back this week......but Fisher should have suspended the one who thinks he is actually Jesus with an Alabama accent. The ‘Noles roll. CRAB LEG SKRONG 68, CITADEL 9

Pigskin Prophet - Week 1

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