Pigskin Prophet - Week 8 |
This edition of the Pigskin Prophet almost didn’t make it to press.
A friend of mine called me and said he had an extra ticket to the South Carolina game at LSU, and he would give it to me and pay my way if I would just cheer for the Gamecocks. I really wanted to see a game at LSU, and spent the better part of the day getting liquored up so I could say “Go Cocks” at least once without gagging, and that got me into trouble once I got into the game. You might have heard about it…… The fans up there were ragging on me and my bud, and there was this good-looking gal, and she flipped me the bird, and next thing you know…BAM!!!...I’m mooning her and everybody else. It’s okay, though. G.A. Mangus paid my bail and I was home before the start of the week. Seems ole G.A. knows a little bit about hanging out in public…. But I digress. Let’s get to the picks. And remember, it’s all in fun. THURSDAY No. 3 OREGON at ARIZONA ST. – What impresses me most about Oregon is that they keep winning, even though their “scouting pipeline” was clogged up by the NCAA. Oregon is best known for having about 123 different hideous uniform combos, and for having Donald Duck as their mascot. Doesn’t matter, cause they just run all over people. OREGON 40, ARIZONA ST. 23 FRIDAY UCONN AT SYRACUSE – The scariest thing about this Big East matchup is that it might be the preview of an ACC game in a couple of years. Other than that, it’s boring. And useless. In reality, these are basketball schools who also happen to have football teams. That alone makes them John Swofford favorites. SYRACUSE 20, UCONN 14 SATURDAY NO. 6 LSU AT TEXAS A&M – The Aggies were involved in a shootout last week somewhere in Louisiana, proving to everyone that they are ready for the guts of the SEC schedule after narrowly knocking off Southeastern Louisiana Tech-Monroe. LSU beat South Carolina even though its quarterback doesn’t know to complete a forward pass and the coach doesn’t have a clue. But that defense is pretty good, and it will be enough to knock off the kissing cadets…….LSU 27, AGGIES 23 AUBURN AT VANDERBILT – Hey guys, maybe Vandy is just as good as all of those South Carolina fans have been telling us. Yeah, no. The Commodores used their funky Motown beat to mesmerize the Gators last week before losing. At Auburn, it’s just awful as Gene Chizik has the hottest seat in the SEC. The War Tiger Eagles or whatever they are this week and their chipmunk mascot get to go to Nashville this week, and the 6,250 fans in attendance will know that “Three Times a Lady” is all about Chizik, whose new slogan of “Hunker down boys, one more time, hunker down” simply confuses his players. MOTOWN 27, AUBURN 17 SAN JOSE ST. AT UTSA – Nope, not gonna do it this week. Saving it for someone else. SAN JOSE ST. 34, UTSA 23. WEAK FOREST AT VIRGINIA – Who???????????????? BOSTON COLLEGE AT GEORGIA TECH – Paul Johnson finally gets his wish, a bad team with almost no defense that he can beat up on. Johnson fired defensive coordinator Al Groh following the loss at Clemson, and the Yellow Jackets might actually be up for this one. The problem is that they still have bad defensive players, and a new coach can’t change that. Tom Selleck is coaching his last days at BC, and would love nothing better than to beat the Johnson. It’s not gonna happen, simply because the Eagle defense is worse than Tech’s, and next week upstate radio listeners will have to listen how Tech will be a national championship contender in 2013……BEES 38, BOSTON COLLEGE 28 NO. 7 SOUTH CAROLINA AT NO. 2 FLORIDA – Troy Landry and his gang of swamp people are ready for Steve “I’m going to the beach” Spurrier and his yard birds in a colossal matchup in “The Swamp”, the old stomping grounds of the visor-tossing, quarterback-dissing, writer-firing old woman from Columbia. The birds should have saved their hideous camo uniforms for this week, and maybe the Florida defenders wouldn’t have seen them, kinda like how Connor Shaw didn’t see his receivers last week. The good news is that SCAR has Marcus Lattimore, whose Heisman Trophy campaign is in full swing now that is up to 53rd in the nation in rushing. The bad news is that the Gators will have Ron Morris on their sidelines wearing a headset and Spurrier will have a seizure…..FLORIDA 24, SCAR 20 VIRGINIA TECH AT NO. 13 CLEMSON – Logan Thomas Dinich – currently battling Lattimore for 90th place in the Heisman rankings - makes his first-ever trip to Death Valley this weekend as the Hokies look to atone for the two beat downs they received from the Tigers last season. The Hokies haven’t played much defense this season, but the same goes for the Tigers. This game might come down to which team has the better quarterback – in this case we will go with Clemson. Heck, ole Logan can’t even pass the butter at a team meal without it being intercepted. Yep, that is one tall quarterback, folks. Makes it easier to find defenders to throw to…. CLEMSON 34, VA. TECH 24 COLORADO AT USC – When I first saw this game, I wondered why the Buffaloes were coming to Columbia. And then
Dabo Swinney NO. 4 KANSAS ST. AT NO. 13 WEST VIRGINA – Things got ugly in West Virginia last week after the Mountaineers got waxed by Texas Tech – gasoline-soaked couches were left to sit on curbs, men smacked their cousins and wives (they’re the same person) around and the Mullet actually washed his hair as an entire state went into mourning. Look for a better effort out of the Neers this week as they play host to the Kansas St. JUCO’s. This one will probably be shootout, and I simply don’t know if the poor boys from the Plains can handle what the Mullet will throw at them. West Virginia has some people with some girth, no teeth, no hair, whiskey breath and a penchant for backhanding anyone that isn’t a cousin. And that’s just the players’ moms. COUCH BURNERS 40, JUCOS 38 
Dabo Swinney
Head Coach
View Full Profile
reminded me that USC is in California. And that his players have never played there. USC THE REAL ONE 56, COLORADO 10
Upgrade Your Account
Unlock premium boards and exclusive features (e.g. ad-free) by upgrading your account today.
Upgrade Now
