Pigskin Prophet - Week 4


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So, the Prophet is back from the Island of Misfit Sports Writers, along with State columnist Ron Morris, just in time to catch this week’s action.

As you can imagine, once Steve Spurrier relented and let all of the sports writers who have criticized him in the past leave the island, I had to wait several days for a boat or a plane – there were thousands in the exodus – finally reaching shore early this morning.

Of course, Crump and BMeist weren’t happy to see me when I showed up at their door early this morning begging for a column – they were hoping to save on their coupons – but Crump gave me a startup disk for AOL (Hey, 20 free hours!) and I’m sitting here at a Waffle House writing away.

So, without further ado, on to this week’s picks. And remember, it’s all in fun.

THURSDAY

CLEMSON AT N.C. STATE

I predict that this one won’t be easy, that Clemson’s offense will struggle mightily and the defense will give up a 23-play drive at some point in the game. However, the ACC is a league that promotes fantastic officiating (I am looking at you, Ron Cherry) and somehow there is a disputed call that gets in the way of a Clemson win. CLEMSON 26, N.C. STATE 14. And you can take that one to the bank.

WAKE FOREST AT ARMY

Jim Grobe’s team has looked less than impressive this season, and this Army squad hung tough with a top five Stanford team. Heck, Army gave Wake Forest fits last season, and the Demon Deacons have looked more like the Docile Deacons over the last few seasons. Wake wins on a late field goal. WAKE 24, ARMY 22

MARSHALL AT VIRGINIA TECH

I know I pick on the Hokies a lot, but I do have some good news for all of you Virginia Tech fans: You only have to endure the failed experiment of a defensive tackle playing quarterback for a little while longer, and next year you can get a real quarterback in there, one that might even complete a pass or two. However, Marshall won’t be a pushover this week, and once again the Hokies will be pushed to the limit as Logan Thomas (he’s so tall!!) throws an interception or seven, but talent wins out. TALL QB 30, WE ARE MARSHALL 21

UNC AT GEORGIA TECH

I kind of get the feeling that every time UNC takes the field in a game that means something – and actually counts in the standings – that UNC fans breathe a big sigh of relief. It’s not often (snicker, snicker) that an academic program gets caught in a major case of academic fraud and gets away with a light pat on the fanny. Heck, if this had been 1985 the whole program would have been shut down. Instead, the only punishment the Heels got was that Brantley and Buffy and Bentley and the other four UNC football fans can’t serve wine out of a silver decanter at their tailgate this season – they have to use the one built into the back of their Mercedes. Unfortunately, Buffy runs into Paul Johnson this week, and Vad Lee (like saying Bradley with a lisp) and company beat up on the AFAMs, leaving John Swofford in a pout. VADLEY 35, UNC 27

SAN JOSE ST. AT MINNESOTA

Honestly, and I am being serious here, the only real question in this game is if Minnesota’s head coach can make it to the second quarter without having to go to the hospital. I feel sorry for the guy, and wish him all the best.

FLORIDA A&M AT OHIO ST.

Gotta love Ohio St. The best team that doesn’t play anybody. At least they are easy to pull for because that Urban Meyer is just so darn cuddly and easy to pull for. OHIO ST. 55, FLA A&M A&T B&M 6

PITT AT DUKE

FINALLY!!! A good game we can all care about. This is ACC action at its best (snicker, snicker). Honestly, did you watch Pitt against Florida St. They looked slow. Like old white men with Velcro tennis shoes and shorts up to their nipples slow. The good news is that they play Duke, which for a football program has a really good basketball team. The bad news is that Dan Marino, Tony Dorsett and Mark May are all retired. It won’t matter, Pitt pulls of the win. Barely. PITT 28, DUKE 24

TULANE AT SYRACUSE

I saw this game on the schedule and I thought, “Hey!! College basketball has started!” Jim Bayhime has the Orange ready to play and they freeze the Green Wave. And, then both teams meet at the local Huddle House for the postgame meal. SYRACUSE 86, TULANE 44

TENNESSEE AT FLORIDA

Tennessee got flogged on national television last week, while Florida took the bye week to try and find a quarterback. They tried Tim Tebow – who is out of eligibility – and Logan Thomas – who is too tall. Florida wins in a shootout for the ages. FLORIDA 9, TENNESSEE 6

WEST VIRGINIA AT MARYLAND

My how, college football fortunes can change. A year ago, the Mountaineers were on top of the world early in the season and Maryland was playing a first baseman at quarterback. Now, the Terps are actually going to win this outright. MARYLAND 28, WEST VIRGINIA 23

VMI AT VIRIGNIA

Dear VMI. Please don’t tailgate or throw the football. Or do anything fun. Sincerely, the Virginia fans who are boring. VIRGINIA 52, VMI 10

OPEN DATE AT SOUTH CAROLINA

Open date comes out with tempo and throws the football, and Jadeveon Clowney gets winded after an early open date drive and sits out the second and third quarters. Later on, he actually makes a tackle after the running back runs right into him, and Jesse Palmer’s eyes roll back in his head and he faints. ESPN runs the replay for the next 11 days. SCAR 24, OPEN DATE 21


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