Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf. The 18th hole has a water hazard. The first to tee is Moses. He hits the ball into the hazard. He lifts his club and strikes it on the ground, then opens his arms. The hazard splits, he walks up to the ball and chips it onto the green. The next to tee is Jesus. He also hits it into the hazard, so he walks along the hazard, finds his ball, and also chips it onto the green. Finally, the old man hits the ball and it goes for the hazard, but it lands on a lilypad, then a fish jumps up and swallows the ball, a hawk swoops down and starts leaving with the fish, the hawk is hit by lightning, drops the fish onto the green, and the fish finally spits out the ball and it makes it into the hole. Moses looks at Jesus and says, "This is why I hate playing with your dad."
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Wyoming for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off becasue his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets s little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the cowboy to ;ut in inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that it was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wants to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.