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All-In [35206]
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Joined: 7/2/13
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Atheist Jokes
Apr 16, 2014, 8:38 PM
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Here's my poor attempt at trying to lighten the mood.
Know what's ironic about atheist?
They're always talking about God.
Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?
He went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
Why did the atheist cross the road?
He heard there was a sidewalk on the other side but he wouldn't believe it until he saw it, filmed it, and tested several hypothesis.
Why can't atheist solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in a higher power.
How many atheist does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They prefer to use a torch.
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup?!
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: See! His prayers were answered!
Hope you enjoyed this. I'll have the humorous atheist scout report tomorrow.
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Oculus Spirit [96870]
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Here's an agnostic joke
Apr 16, 2014, 8:41 PM
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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?”
“Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.” – Groucho Marx.
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All-Conference [436]
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Re: Here's an agnostic joke
Apr 16, 2014, 8:44 PM
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CLASSIC!
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All-TigerNet [11161]
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All-In [35206]
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Here, how about a famous jameis joke.....
Apr 16, 2014, 8:59 PM
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What drink does jameis winston serve at his parties?
Roofie-coladas served on a chloroform napkin.
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All-TigerNet [10498]
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I don't get it
Apr 17, 2014, 10:53 AM
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Joke must be too subtle
Message was edited by: CTiger423®
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Oculus Spirit [93673]
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Turn about is fair play.
Apr 16, 2014, 9:33 PM
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A young gentleman was preaching the first sermon he'd preached on a Sunday. He got wound up pretty tight because he was preaching on why he was a Christian.
At the peak of his sermon he asked for a show of hands of everyone who was Christian. One old woman didn't raise her had and the kid asked if she wasn't a Christian what was she.
She told him she was an atheist. He then asked why she was an atheist and she told him her father and mother were atheist and both grandparents on both sides were atheist
Finding himself backed into a corner he then asked her had her father and mother and both grandparents on both side had been fools what would she then be.
Her reply was, "A Christian."
Lighten up folks, you know me.
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Oculus Spirit [93673]
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TDing this will get you to glory.
Apr 17, 2014, 7:55 AM
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Spiritual youth is so cute.
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All-In [38427]
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Re: TDing this will get you to glory.
Apr 17, 2014, 8:25 AM
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@TigerBry83:
Your last line in the previous post is Agnosticism. Lol. Trying to help makes us all brothers.
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Oculus Spirit [93673]
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Yo know what makes me happy about all this?
Apr 17, 2014, 8:32 AM
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We're all tigers. Anybody can believe what they want and most of us can say what we believe and read opposing views without having hard feelings toward others. That's spiritual maturity.
Did you ever hear and old man say, 'Son, I've been your age, you haven't been mine?'
We are all Tigers. Though I'm aware that 'a fool hath said in his heart there is no God,' I'm not about to perpetuate divisions in our ranks by persecuting those with different beliefs.
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All-In [35206]
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Relax gang, just jokes
Apr 16, 2014, 11:12 PM
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Not intended to be pro or con. Just jokes. And none of them are personal attacks. Just humor. Or that was my intention. I support everyones right to do whatever or have an opinion.
Nothing personal. I can tell by the td's that I upset someone. Sorry bout that. But I support your right to do whatever you want. (Within reason, mind you)
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All-In [38427]
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Re: Relax gang, just jokes
Apr 16, 2014, 11:53 PM
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Well I like to watch cooking shows. Doesn't make me a chef. I also often wonder about the universe . Then again, I am not even sure how a brake master cylinder works , so it's possible that I need to get started figuring these things out.
Ideas about the unknown are what challenges the human race , and anyone calling anyone else out about their ideas or beliefs are missing the bigger picture .
The bigger picture for me is brake master cylinders . It may be something else for you.
I don't judge.
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All-In [35206]
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That's a pretty cool outlook
Apr 17, 2014, 12:25 AM
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Wonderfully put, and +1. After all, can anyone say for certain that their opinion is any more correct/ factual than the other.
It is great that we can ponder such notions. Who are we, where did we come from, where is this going, how does it end or begin... None of us can say with absolute certainty. Thus we all have varying opinions. And I'm ok with that. Perhaps it's not for us to ever know.
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All-In [38427]
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Re: Atheist Jokes
Apr 17, 2014, 12:04 AM
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Atheism : Let me make nothing clear to you.
Christianity : Yeah , what he said.
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Ring of Honor [26353]
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I have a major issues with the 5th joke, dood.
Apr 17, 2014, 8:42 AM
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WhY IN tHe wORld WoULd AnyONE WaNT to CHangE LiGhTbuLB??
I like him the way he is
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Freshman [9]
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Groceries
Apr 17, 2014, 10:18 AM
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Neighbors A Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?" Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her." He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"
^^Such a classic
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